The Closest I'll Ever Get To Making Out With Shayne Ward (+ His New Song "Crash")

So check this hot trash out... I won a box of Cadbury Heroes chocolates that was licked by Shayne Ward for a "caption this" contest on Facebook. (Thanks, Tell Him! My caption: "It'd be a real shayne to let these go to waste.")

And he even signed it. That effing box is going to sleeping in my bed with me for the next month or so. Oh, Shayne—it's like we're already in committed relationship and living together! Now you get to pay all my bills and spend lots of cash on me all the time! Yaaayyyy!

Anyway, below's a new song by Shanyne called "Crash"—supposedly produced by Stargate—that leaked this weekend. Compared to the upbeat stuff on his last album Breathless, it's a bit "safe."

Not bad for a ballad, though. UPDATE: After that one is another leaked track, "The Way You Are."



Here's "The Way You Are," which is a bit more up-tempo. This is the winner of the two in my book. If either of these end up on the third album, let's hope it's this d'luvvly jam.

Boyzone Top The UK Album Chart The Week Of Stephen Gately's Birthday

Boyzone's fourth studio album (and first in 12 years) Brother becomes their fourth to top the UK album chart, thus forcing Gorillaz's Plastic Beach into the runner-up position. It's no doubt a bittersweet victory for the foursome, as late member Stephen Gately would have celebrated his 34th birthday this coming Wednesday (March 17).

Over on the singles chart, the 'zone's "Gave It All Away" falls from #9 to #20. Meanwhile, the Top 10 gets three new entries, led by Canadian pop munchkin Justin Bieber and his whiny tween jam "Baby" at #3. Garbriella Cilmi's Xenomania-produced '80s space hooker fest "On A Mission" slinks in at #9, while snoozy ballad "My Name" by McLean goes in at #10.



And once again I'm left wondering why, with all this garbage clogging things up, there was no love or room for Alphabeat.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Pass Out" - Tinie Tempah *2 weeks*
2. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
3. "Baby" - Justin Bieber *new*
4. "Starry Eyed" - Ellie Goulding
5. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
6. "Empire State Of Mind (Part II)" - Alicia Keys
7. "You Got The Dirtee Love" - Florence And The Machine/Dizzee Rascal
8. "Parachute" - Cheryl Cole
9. "On A Mission" - Gabriella Cilmi *new*
10. "My Name" - McLean *new*

Josh Dubovie Will Sing Mike Stock And Pete Waterman's UK Eurovision Jam

Well, the dust has settled on the BBC Your Country Needs You special (read a full assessment over at Fizzy Pop), and it's now time for Scooch to step aside on my iPod—because the UK now has possibly the country's downright cheesiest Eurovision entry in years. Actually, who am I kidding? It could stand to be a lot cheesier—and to have a better chorus.

But oh, well. Here's Josh Dubovie singing Mike Stock and Pete Waterman's "That Sounds Good To Me":



At least it's better than The Sheilas—or is it? I'll have to marinate on this trash for a hot minute, but upon first (five) listen(s), it sounds like Kylie's "The One" meets Steps' cover of "Last Thing On My Mind." Not necessarily a bad thing, mind you...

ALSO SEE:
* Mike Stock & Pete Waterman Will Write This Year's UK Eurovision Entry
* Peter Waterman Is Doing Eurovision, But Here's How He Did On My iPod

Lady Gaga And Beyonce Rev Up The Pussy Wagon In Their "Telephone" Music Video

Un-effing-believable. All my trashy stripper/scissoring/hookertastic pop broad dreams come true in one Lady Gaga-Beyonce video! Viva La "Telephone"! And love the resurgence of Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill Pussy Wagon—as well the similarities between this vid and one of my all-time favorite flicks, Reform School Girls.

Taoi Cruz Tops The Chart While La Roux Bring Up The Rear With "Bulletproof"

Last September Taio Cruz topped the UK chart with "Break Your Heart," and now that the single has properly Americanized (read: rapper Ludacris has been slapped onto the track), it's been deemed appropriate enough to pull the same stunt here in the States. Hoo-ray.

Taio is now the first British artist to top the Billboard Hot 100 since Jay Sean shot "Down"—another song with an American rapper attached—to #1 in October. Sassy.

Other than that business, it's a pretty snoozy week. I would like to point out that the Artists For Haiti single "We Are The World 25: For Haiti," which initially debuted at #2, has now plummeted to #66 on the chart. Geez, folks—where's your charity? Why haven't you downloaded that monstrosity like 16 times each?

Elsewhere, Avril Lavigne debuts at #71 with "Alice" (and sorry, baby—it ain't no "Girlfriend") while Johnny-come-latelys La Roux enter at #92 with "Bulletproof."

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris *1 week*
2. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
3. "Bedrock" - Young Money feat. Lloyd
4. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
5. "Imma Be" - The Black Eyed Peas
6. "TiK ToK" - Ke$ha
7. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
8. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
9. "Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga
10. "How Low" - Ludacris

Chicane's New Video For "Come Back" Reminds Me Of Some Good Sex

So there's a new Chicane single called "Come Back"—which sample's Paul Young's '80s jam "Come Back And Stay"—being released on April 12. It's from the British one-man band's new album Giants.



Man, Chicane will forever remind me of some really awesome play I got in Summer 2000 to the tune of the Bryan Adams-featuring smasheroo "Don't Give Up." But, really—enough about me masturbating for three months. Here's that video. And crank this shit loud.

My Interview With Sia

I interviewed Sia, and you can read the piece over at Idolator.

A FEW HIGHLIGHTS:

On writing songs for Christina Aguilera: "There are four of them... Then we did another one for her movie with Cher. So it’s been a really good collaboration, actually. We really got along great. We didn’t bin anything, which was good."

On contributing to David Byrne & Fatboy Slim's Here Lies Love: "The Santigold track is so amazing. And the Roisin Murphy track is so amazing... It was like David just emailed me and asked me if I wanted to sing on a track. I was like, um, hi—you’re David Byrne. Yes, yes, yes. The answer is always yes!"

On doing her new album with Greg Kurstin: "Greg produced the whole album. It was my usual band, and then Greg played the piano and Nick Valensi from The Strokes played the guitar. We had scheduled four weeks for it but it took two-and-a-half, so that was awesome. It just came barfing out. Then Greg took it away."

Random Pics Yanked Off Twitter

These are just some random photos that have been posted to Twitter or sent in an email. Beyonce and Lady Gaga from the "Telephone" video (now premiering Thursday on E! News—but will probably leak before that.)

Kelis, possibly trying to out-"Freak" Estelle.

And speaking of which, the "Freak" single cover.

The single cover for Hole's "Skinny Little Bitch"—a song that's growing on me now.

Alex Gardner, from the set of an unspecified photo shoot.

Then of course there's the Frankmusik photo of him in the studio, sans clothing, holding his babymaker. You'll have to find that one on your own.

Kathryn Bigelow's Finest Artistic Achievement: New Order's "Touched By The Hand Of God"

Yes, folks—22 years before she won an Oscar for The Hurt Locker, Kathryn Bigelow directed New Order's "Touched By The Hand Of God" music video, which poked fun at late '80s hair metal bands.



For more on my d'luvvly penchant for all things New Order/Electronic/Bernard Sumner, read this.

For Alphabeat In The UK, The Beat Was...

Props to Tinie Tempah for nabbing the #1 position on the UK singles chart this week with "Pass Out." But while there's certainly room in the market for another London MC—albeit one who name-drops Heidi Montag and Audrina Patridge in their jam—I say eff that; Alphabeat should really have been the ones on top.

Alas, after debuting at a highly lackluster #29 last week with the exceptionally-underrated "Hole In My Heart," Danish pop maestros Alphabeat plunge another 10 spots to #39 this week. Ironically, that's the same position on the album chart that the band's full LP The Beat Is... has debuted at. Oh, England—where did you hide away your pop heart?

Note to Alphabeat: please release "DJ" as your next UK single and hold a gun to every major radio programmer's head till they A-list that shit.

Elsewhere, Boyzone's sad Mika-written "Gave It All Away"—the video for which is a tribute to late member Stephen Gately—debuts at #9, giving the Irish boy band their second UK Top 10 single since reuniting. (The single hit #1 in Ireland.)

Elsewhere, Daisy Dares You enters at #13 with her Chipmunk'd up "Number One Enemy," and Ellie Goulding, who's "Starry Eyed" hangs in at #4 for a second week, lands her Lights LP at the top of the album chart.

And I'm still glum over Alphabeat....

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Pass Out" - Tinie Tempah *new* *1 week*
2. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
3. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
4. "Starry Eyed" - Ellie Goulding
5. "You Got The Dirtee Love" - Florence And The Machine/Dizzee Rascal
6. "Empire State Of Mind (Part II)" - Alicia Keys
7. "If We Ever Meet Again" - Timbaland feat. Katy Perry
8. "Never Be Your Woman" - Naught Boy/Wiley feat. Emile Sande *new*
9. "Gave It All Away" - Boyzone *new*
10. "Parachute" - Cheryl Cole