dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Is JoJo Pop's Most Age-Inappropriate Princess?

Welcome to this week's banterview, where J'ason D'Luv and MoogaBoo ponder why 15-year-old chanteuse JoJo is marketed as a blatant tramp.

MOOGABOO: I love JoJo. But oddly, she's not being sold as an "innocent" with the hopes of making a contrived "mature" image makeover down the road. Lyrically, she already comes off as world-weary ho.

J'ASON D'LUV: Yeah, and her label seems content to cash in on her loose ways. They're all like, "JoJo, can you redo the line 'I tore off your banana hammock and we 69'd' again? It sounded a little flat..."

M: JoJo is a professional. She'll do that take over and over again. Paris Hilton needs to take a page from JoJo's book.

JD: I don't think Paris could ever be that slutty.

M: I love how when JoJo came out, her press was all "She's 12! She's adorable! She's a tween sweetheart!" And then you see her in a lycra bodysuit, singing about throwing her man out of their sin den.

JD: Well, let's analyze the "questionable" lyrics of her hits for a second. In "Leave (Get Out)," she admits "I gave up everything I had / on something that just wouldn't last." I'm assuming she's not talking about losing her Bratz collection.

M: And where could she be telling him to "get out" of? Her parents' foyer? I think not. It's their shared apartment...before they're even married.

JD: Now, in her new single "Too Little, Too Late," she starts off singing "Come with me, stay the night / you say the words but boy it don't feel right." Really, I think JoJo is just the mouthpiece for some horny old executive at Blackground Records.

M: Wow, you really know those lyrics. 100 plays on the iPod already? But yes, that is such an adult sentiment, I wonder if she even knows what it means. It's all about that moment you realize the great lovemaking has actually been rather rote for quite some time, and now that it's really gone off the tracks, you know he's got someone else....

JD: I just hope JoJo doesn't end up penniless and destitute, turning tricks outside a soup kitchen in Hoboken by age 17.

M: Wait, isn't that how Pussycat Dolls were discovered? Just kidding, Carmit!

JD: Given her age, you'd expect her to be chirping Duff-esque tripe instead of naughty porn-pop.

M: Shouldn't she be dressed like V.I.C.K.I and singing "Sugar In The Mornin'"?

JD: God, I just had a frightening thought! Maybe we're getting conservative! I mean, when we were JoJo's age, Rick Astley was singing "There ain't no mistakin' / it's true love we're makin," and I thought that was risque! Then again, Rick wasn't an underage girl...for the most part.

M: At least you knew what that meant at 14. I thought "lovemaking" was just kissing and canoodling on the porch swing.

JD: Really? I guess my mind automatically went to the bed jam.

M: Well, despite the adult themes of her songs, JoJo still manages to exude a friendly, girlish quality that people can warm to. She's very "back to school sale," that one.

JD: Totally. I just saw Aquamarine, where she convincingly portrayed a 13-year-old who hasn't caught an STD yet.

M: So this movie was sci-fi, then? Meanwhile, poor JoJo. All she wants to do is dance, dance, and here we are deconstructing her career.

JD You're right. In all seriousness, I'm really digging "Too Little, Too Late," but you just know it's gonna be the only good song off the predictably rap-laden album.

M: Oh, don't give up on her so fast. She could pull out another jam. Remember "Baby, It's You?" That one was good.

JD: True. She could still surprise us all by doing a Hi-NRG record. I think what it really boils down to is that given her sassy anthems and the fact that she starred in Aquamarine -- which truly is the Citizen Kane of our time -- we really just want to be her.

M: I agree. Being JoJo would rock! So how did Aquamarine do at the box office?

JD: I think its earnings just covered the electric bill at the multiplex the three days it was in theaters.

M: But it's a future camp classic, right?

JD: Future? I've seen it six times on DVD in the past two weeks. Watching JoJo's methods on the silver screen is like a heroin fix.

M: I'm a little worried about you now. You haven't joined her street team, have you? Once they have you in the street team, they ain't lettin' you go.

JD: No, no. Trust me, I learned my lesson after Hoku.

Check out JoJo Online to hear "Too Little, Too Late," watch the video and... join her street team!

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