dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Banterview: Take That, Robbie Williams!

J'ason and MoogaBoo were convinced they loved the new Robbie Williams album, Rudebox...until they sat down to talk about it.

J'ASON D'LUV: Hey, do you remember when I had those pictures of Robbie on my dorm room wall in 1996, which I'd ripped out of Interview magazine? He was quite the lad then.

MOOGABOO: I think you and I, like most Americans, fell pretty hard for Robbie at first sight. He was scruffy-cute and had a rakish accent. He seemed to be wearing the hat of life with a tilted brim! But it was a sad case of the music not being as cute as the singer.

JD: And now, based on the artwork from Rudebox, the Robster's life is best viewed through a pixellated lens.

M: His reputation as a horny libertine was enough to get me to buy his first album.

JD: I didn't buy that one, but I shelled out some cash for the import of Sing When You're Winning in 2000. It was certainly no Scooch Four Sure.

M: Well, really, what was? Talk about setting a high bar.

JD: I put "Rock DJ" on the very first mixed CD I ever made. Remember when burning CDs was like discovering gold?

M: And owning a CD burner was akin to having visited the moon?

JD: I made about eight copies of that mix, and mailed it to everyone I know. I'm sure grandma's still cheerily dusting the fine china to Alice Deejay.

M: I went to a party one December and flaunted our friend Mr. Brady's '98 Cheese Collection -- "Look, everyone! A rare Kylie remix...on CD!" Meanwhile, now fetuses have iPods.

JD: Okay, so Rudebox has some winners on it. Robbie sounds very suave on "Louise" and "We're The Pet Shop Boys."

M: I agree! The covers are the highlights on this album. "Louise" is beautiful.

JD: I bought The Human League's greatest hits cassette back in fall of 1990, when "Heart Like A Wheel" was a minor U.S. hit. I never paid much attention to "Louise" or "Being Boiled," but those two songs are now considered respected classics. I'll admit, at the time I thought "Louise" was boring, but when stacked up against "Mirror Man" and "Love Action," how did it stand a chance?

M: Perhaps "Louise" was just a victim of sequencing, because it sounds good in Robbie Williams' version. So God knows the original is probably 800 times better.

JD: At least Robbie picked a song from the best era of The Human League -- when Phil Oakey was a woman.

M: God, I miss those days. He's still a woman in my electric dreams! "Kiss Me" is another great cover, produced by Joey Negro.

JD: And it has handclaps, so I'm sold!

M: I think Joey, aka Dave Lee, also produced Take That's "Relight My Fire," which now makes me wonder what Robbie might have done to Lulu's rudebox when he had the chance...

JD: Oh, I'm sure he was very respectful. And by that, I mean he took her from behind.

M: I heard Lily Allen's keening mew in the background somewhere on this album. It caused me to go do the dishes.

JD: I hope Robbie gave Lily the clap, and avoided catching rabies in the process. She sings with him on what's now slated to be the third single, "Bongo Bong." But moving on, since the Pet Shop Boys rarely get mentioned on this site, I feel I should acknowledge that I only picked up Rudebox because of their involvement.

M: Are they sending you checks yet?

JD: Neil and Chris have so much energy these days, and they should just move into becoming the new Max Martin. Their production on "She's Madonna" is everything pop isn't, but should be.

M: The PSBs make sexy music, but their image isn't sexy. They should just hire young sexy people to do their promotion. Do you believe this alleged Guy Ritchie backstory behind the song?

JD: Not sure. What's the deal? Robbie dated the chick Guy dumped for Madonna?

M: Yes. I forget her name, but apparently she told Robbie the whole sordid story of how Guy ditched her for Madge in just the way the song depicts.

JD: I'm sure Robbie can't remember her name, either. I wonder if M will be irked or flattered by it all?

M: Well, Robbie apparently played "part of it" at her house several months ago and she loved it.

JD: So, like, he played 10 seconds of the intro without vocals...

M: I don't think Madonna has anything to worry about, even though the rumors of the song's origin are most likely true. It's flattering! And she got a kid out of it all. Sheesh!

JD: Guy is more likely to be irritated, but Madge will just spank him with a riding crop and tell him to "pipe down while the song about me is playing!"

M: There are about 10 more tracks on here, but I just realized I don't care about any of them.

JD: If Will Young had done this album, it'd be much more of an event.

M: Interesting concept. Of course, if Will Young had done this album, it would have sounded more like Willa Ford.

JD: Isn't "Rudebox" Willa Ford's nickname?

M: No, Robbie never chases trim that classy.

JD: You're right. And I don't care about the rest of these songs, either. Now, where'd I put that Human League tape?

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  • At 3:51 PM, Blogger xolondon said…

    Willa Ford is NOT CLASSY! She's a ho. Great banterview!

  • At 7:09 AM, Blogger Robpop said…

    Bless with Willa

  • At 7:13 AM, Blogger Robpop said…

    So you like Scooch eh? Well check out Optimystic on DSTP.

  • At 1:32 PM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    Oh, Robpop, I had Optimystic's CD back in 1997. I sold it eventually, or traded it, but a pal of mine recently hit me with the "Best THing In the World" MP3 that I've been longing for ever since...

    Thanks, XO... glad you Njoy'd.

  • At 7:52 PM, Blogger xolondon said…

    These comments are so teensy of my 'puter that I can barely see em! Anyway, Tania Strecker is THE woman, the Guy /Robbie slag. Right?

  • At 1:07 AM, Blogger Jef said…

    Was Philip Oakey still a woman in 1984? I thought that was more during his peek-a-boo haircut from 1980-1982.

    I like Robbie's "Lovelight."

  • At 9:01 PM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    Jef, when people start getting technical on us and try to trip us up, we open the trap door 'neath their feet and drop them into "the pit."

  • At 1:14 PM, Blogger The Duke said…

    I think I'm going as Take That for Halloween. The costume in the picture.

  • At 4:53 PM, Blogger MoogaBoo said…

    DAMN IT. I really wish I could make it to the Duke's week-after-Halloween Halloween party, if only to help him readjust the "H" and the "A" on his pert little mancheeks.

  • At 5:39 PM, Blogger The Duke said…

    See!?! You're TOTALLY missing out, Moogaboo! You've could've changed it from "HA" to "AH."


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