dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Lily Allen: Hell's Little Kitten

We're not ones to judge here at Chart Rigger, especially during the holidays, but gak-snorting mutt Lily Allen really is a low-rent bucket of waste. "I was a drug dealer in Ibiza at 15," the depraved, moral-less vagrant told Uncut magazine recently. Good Lord, Lily! Have some scruples. Think of your strong middle-aged housemum fanbase! Think of the children! Alas, pop stars who open their legs for Satan's kiss (Clay Aiken) are too often swept away by his dark and powerful will. Read on, and know that we're praying for her as we type...

ON BEING A FAILURE: "I did not excel in drug-dealing. I was terrible at it."


ON THE TEACHINGS OF LUCIFER: "Golden rule with drug-dealing; don't get too enthusiastic with your own merchandise."


ON GIVING IN TO WHOREDOM: "But I haven't done drugs for a while now. Too busy. I'd like to say work and sex have replaced drugs."


MAKING EXCUSES FOR BEING A '3': But there's not been enough time off work for sex. This must change."

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9 Comments:

  • At 2:34 PM, Anonymous Slippydisco said…

    Lily hatin' again... Shock!!! People take drugs!!! And your point is?

     
  • At 3:31 PM, Anonymous Hell's Kitten said…

    The quotes and the tongue pic make me love Lily Allen even more!!

     
  • At 4:41 PM, Blogger Paul said…

    i heard lily has a crush on you :) her song Littlest things soundtracked a moment that wasn't so little last night between DazPhwoar! and myself! (we didn't plan that it would, the box was on in the background...)

     
  • At 6:07 PM, Blogger MoogaBoo said…

    Gay fanbases are so easy to come by, aren't they? Yes, she has great hair and earrings, but girlfriend couldn't carry a tune in a Rubbermaid shoe box.

    Meanwhile, poor Alexis Strum is filling out an application at a hot dog factory somewhere...

     
  • At 8:20 PM, Anonymous rubbermaid shoe box said…

    I'd say Lily Allen's tune-carrying abilities are on par with Kim Wilde's, dear Mooga.

    Now what was that about gay fanbases, DEAR?

     
  • At 8:55 PM, Blogger MoogaBoo said…

    [Carol Brady]

    Oh Miiiike....

    [/Carol Brady]

    And really, what a silly comparison to make. Kimmy's been in the biz almost thirty years. She's paid her dues as an off-key gay icon diva.

    A closer comparison to Lily would be Paris Hilton. The only real difference comes down to degree of exposure and choice of producer, doesn't it?

     
  • At 1:25 AM, Blogger Trash Addict said…

    What a low class hooker! Lily has to be the most over-rated "artist" to have emerged in years. She can't sing and has a face like a dog's arsehole.

    On the other hand, at least she's not Sandi Thom....

     
  • At 6:02 AM, Blogger Adrian said…

    Lily's songs aren't half-bad, if only she'd shut up mouthing off all the time. She's like Rent-a-Gob.

     
  • At 6:27 PM, Anonymous Sweet Kisses said…

    She is just revolting in every way...so at least she does have something in common with Paris.

     

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