dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Any Dross Will Do

Rihanna's "Umbrella" has captured the summer 2007 Zeitgeist much as Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together" did two years ago, and the bob-weaved minx is #1 in England for a sixth week. She's now surprassed Mika for having spent the most weeks at the top of the British chart year. Rihanna is also featured in a saucy 4-page article in the new Entertainment Weekly, where she talks about good-girl-gone- bad things: "When I first got signed...they said, 'Oh, she must've slept with Jay-Z to get her deal."

To this blatant hatery, Jay-Z offers some classy, wise-old-sage advice: "But if she has the proper friends, she won't get caught up in the wild-child lifestyle. They will bring her back and be like, 'You might wanna pull your skirt down.'"

Which brings us to #2 on the U.K. chart this week...

Just this morning as I scooped Miss Pussy's litterbox, I realized, you know, there really aren't enough reality show-generated singles foisted upon the public. Wouldn't it be nice if at least three or four amateur-hour covers of "Unchained Melody" with Z-grade production were released each year? But, lo! Along comes Lee Mead, as dashing as Andrew Lloyd Webber himself, with his Any Dream Will Do-winning rendition of "Any Dream Will Do."

Lee will go on next month to reprise Jason Donovan's role in the revival of the 1991 production of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Only Al Gore could be more pleased with this much recycling.

But enough about this yo-yo -- we have a Take That emergency on our hands!

The trick-knee and liver-spotted boy band has sadly hobbled into the chart at #17 with rickety ol' "I'd Wait For Life." Guess radio and the Universal promo deptartment only waited for two singles.

It could always be worse, though, as Gareth Gates and Simon Webbe can attest to. "Angel On My Shoulder," Gareth's second single from his forthcoming third album, makes a stuttering entry at #22. His last single, "Changes," reached #14 in April. Maybe he should go back to the boffing C-list strippers to generate some interest in his comeback. Even worse, former Blue member Webbe is at #36 with "Grace/Ride The Storm." Sorry, indeed, seems to be the hardest word.

The U.K. Top 10

1. "Umbrella" - Rihanna feat. Jay-Z *6 weeks*
2. "Any Dream Will Do" - Lee Mead
3. "Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song)" - Enrique Iglesias
4. "The Girls" - Calvin Harris
5. "Like This" - Kelly Rowland feat. Eve
6. "Icky Thump" - The White Stripes
7. "Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors" - Editors
8. "Beautiful Liar" - Beyoncé & Shakira
9. "Cupid's Chokehold" - Gym Class Heroes feat. Patrick Stump
10. "Never Again" - Kelly Clarkson

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10 Comments:

  • At 7:59 PM, Blogger Slippydisco said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At 8:29 PM, Blogger Slippydisco said…

    You say 'any dross will do' but isn't that the nature of telly shows of this nature? To capitalise on the winner/song asap? I feel that somethings may be culturally lost on those who live Stateside as we in the UK cannot avoid the hype that surrounds such an event so in some kinda way we have an emotional attachment to the winner and will want him to succeed, even if only for a few weeks.

    It may be rubbish but if you live here, there is no escaping Lee Mead and the promotion that surrounds a succesful reality show, so it has kinda seeped into the nation's consciousness and will inevitably be a chart hit whether it is any good or not (see Michelle McManus for for further evidence).

    (However, I may be biased as I have been Joseph and rode on to the stage on a motorbike wearing a 'coat of many colours' and can name all the said colours. Is that wrong?)

     
  • At 10:41 PM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    Slippy D, why, how soon you forget that over yonder is the land of American Idol-atry! We know all too well about the pratfalls of early reality show hype; witness the #1 chart placing of Taylor HIcks last June, Carrie Underwood the year before, or Fantasia Barrino in 2004.

    I was never really into the whole reality show thing myself, and would rather see a new composition like the Enrique Iglesias track or Mutya track (though it does sample Lenny Kravitz) climb to the same heights in your chart.

    That said, your earlier, deleted comment -- which I'll quote from -- I think gets to the heart of what your aiming at: "As someone living in the USA commenting on the charts in the UK you fail to see the hype that surrounds such events so really it was inevitable that he was gonna have a hit record asap"..."

    Golly, "failing" seems a bit harsh, no?

    But, anyway, what ever happened to your own blog, Slippy Disco Days? I just checked, and it doesn't seem to exist anymore...shall I take that off the blog roll, then?

     
  • At 12:22 AM, Blogger Paul said…

    i'm all fora bit of Lee Mead :) Hurrah for the reality dross. i'm all over it like a rash!! hehe, i guess it is part of the hype, which is why I don't get as excited about american idol winners because it's not the same if you're not having it constantly drilled into your brain through media coverage! And... take that! Oh no! I blame Gary for choosing such a weak song. I doubt they are particularly concerned as their album is a huge seller and their tour sold out. Still, it puts an end to a run of 6 consecutive number ones and 13 (i think) top three hits. PS I know all the colours to Joseph too. It's only a little wrong :P

     
  • At 6:21 AM, Blogger Slippydisco said…

    Hey J'ason,

    That is why I deleted it cos it sounded a bit harsh when I obviously meant no offence to you. I love what you do and as I said before, I'm very biased when it comes to Joseph.

    Once again, I'm very sorry if it came across wrong.

    My blog has died so please do remove me rom your links.

     
  • At 11:50 AM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    'Tis all good.

    Go, go, go, Joseph!

     
  • At 5:07 PM, Blogger Robpop said…

    I have no idea why Umbrella is doing so well. Its brilliantly mediocre.

     
  • At 11:41 AM, Blogger Adem IAR said…

    "Guess radio and the Universal promo department only waited for two singles."

    Oh you are too bloody good m'luv.

     
  • At 10:14 PM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    Adem, that is one zexy avatar pic! RopP, you and Pablo Zapping both...

     
  • At 2:40 AM, Blogger Adem IAR said…

    Glad you like... Patty Hearst is an absolute goddess!

    So do you think TT will release a fourth single, or will they get to work on an entirely new project?

     

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