People Keep Downloading Blake Lewis Because They're Thinking About His Butt

Although, activity-wise, it's not that exciting of a week on the Billboard Hot 100, there are a few interesting things going on in the periphery. After 14 weeks on the chart, Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" has achieved over a million paid digital downloads and been certified Platinum. Likewise for Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats," which continues yo-yo-ing up and down along with Kelly Clarkson's "Never Again," and bumps the latter out of the Top 10 this week. Hopefully Carrie, with her shitty contract, will be able to afford a can of Spam with her royalties -- just like mama used to make!

Last week, American Idol puppet Jordin Sparks made a lackluster debut -- compared to previous winners of the title -- at #15 with whatever that song is she has out now that no one will remember next week. Meanwhile, that hot piece of a runner-up, Blake Lewis, came in behind her at #18 with his cover of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name." Blake, however, has been the one to maintain the steady downloads, and therefore only falls three positions to #21, while Jordin belly-flops to #25.

This is likely because everyone's wondering what Blake looks like with his pants around his ankles, chained to the radiator with a clown hat on and a gin-soaked rag stuffed in his mouth. Right? Anyone?

Anyway, Amy Winehouse might appear on the surface to be a drunk transvestite, but she's got some magical secrets tucked in that decrepit windmill she calls a wig!

In addition to appearing on the cover of the new issue of Rolling Stone, her single "Rehab" is finally gaining momentum. This week, it leaps up 15 notches to #48 on the Hot 100. Look for it to jump even higher next week, since it's broken into the iTunes Top 10 as of yesterday. Also, her Gold-certified Back To Black LP re-enters the Top 10 of the album chart.

This week, Billboard also premiered the brand new Canadian Hot 100. But don't get excited. It's just another chart that Rihanna's dominating.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Umbrella" - Rihanna feat. Jay-Z *2 weeks*
2. "Party Like A Rockstar" - Shop Boyz
3. "Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin')" - T-Pain feat. Yung Joc
4. "Big Girls Don't Cry" - Fergie *sales gainer*
5. "Makes Me Wonder" - Maroon 5
6. "Girlfriend" - Avril Lavigne
7. "Home" - Daughtry
8. "Summer Love" - Justin Timberlake
9. "Pop, Lock & Drop It" - Huey
10. "Before He Cheats" - Carrie Underwood