dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Leona Lewis Can Kiss My Unimpressed Butt

So, given that everyone's been furiously masturbating over X Factor dame Leona Lewis -- most notably her puppet masters Simon Cowell and Clive Davis -- I figured, Gee, this broad must have golden pipes or some junk.

But listening to "Bleeding Love", her snoozefest of a new single, has me taking U.K. singer Jamelia's side with her recent rant against Leona:
“When Simon stops all this stupid hype about her, that’s when we’ll see if she can deliver. Like every artist Simon has, she’ll fade into obscurity eventually. Only Will Young has been successful, and that was because he’s talented and cut ties with Simon. Leona is a poor man’s Mariah Carey. Simon’s lost it. He is disrespectful. Leona may be talented, but she’s not worked as hard as me or others in the industry — fact!”
Of course, Jamelia's probably a bit on the defensive because her last album flopped like a dead whore at bachelor party, and now she's gotta shill perfume and strip for PETA to make a living...but still!! At least she's saving monkeys and undoing her bra without Simon's carefully guided hand unfastening the strap.

No, the only Cowell dog 'n pony act I wanna see getting fondled is Shayne Ward. And after watching the last minute of the video for "No U Hang Up," fondling never looked so good:

New Towleroad column up now!

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  • At 4:32 PM, Blogger Moogaboo said…

    "Flopped like a dead whore at bachelor party" has left me speechless.

  • At 5:18 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    Your way with words still astound!

    Shane is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fine! And his range is amazing!

  • At 5:35 PM, Blogger Lady Hooligan Kat said…

    Shayne Ward is a fox, but if you want to hear REALLY cool new music, check out AJ Lambert’s “EP”, which is now available on iTunes and on

  • At 6:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I loved Jamelia's album! And the Leona Lewis single is pretty good but it does not showcase her voice very well.

  • At 12:29 AM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    I'm so pleasantly surprised that Shayne's single is apparently doing well--I'd really got it into my head that it was going to flop.

  • At 1:09 AM, Blogger Paul said…

    ooo i'm pleased to hear Shayne (RAR) is doing well. Now i like Leona Lewis, and i think her new single is pretty decent though partially because i'm hankering for that early Mariah sound at the mo. However, i don't understand the hushed reverence around how amazing she supposedly is. She's good yes, but only time will tell...

  • At 9:58 AM, Blogger Adem IAR said…

    I don't really know if I've got the time to wait around for Leona to get good though. The song is nice enough but anyone could have sung that song... probably better too. She looks like she has the personality of a sheet of rice paper; I fell asleep looking at a picture of her the other day.

    She can go now.

  • At 10:03 AM, Blogger Mike said…

    Leona is a useless cunt. End of.

  • At 11:18 AM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    Moog, like Bret Easton Ellis when he wrote American Psycho, I wept uncontrollably as I wrote it.

    Joshua, yeah, I wish Clive would market him over here instead of that boring box, Leona.

    Lady Hooligan Kat, your name...hot. AJ Lambert, eh? Will check out asap!

    Anonymous, agreed.

    PG, me, too. I wonder if it'll be #1 this week? Then again, the power of "Beautiful Girls" is not to be underestimated. And Sugababes' "About You Now" is the top U.K. download (but no physical single yet).

    Paul, anytime I hanker for that early Mariah sound, I go into the back alley and listen to the cats screeching for tuna, and the need is fulfilled.

    Adem and Mike, two Aussies who are speakin' my language.

  • At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Leona truely sucks and is a useless sh*tbag...her new single is disapointing anyone cud of sung it. END OF

  • At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    apparently everyone on this page is a dumbass....leona lewis is the best singer ever and her new single is incredible and showcases her voice very well......you retards.

  • At 2:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Honestly to all that said anyone could have sung this song.. then why dont you try and then we could all judge at how well or lousy you sing it. Its not an easy song to sing at all and she has a very good voice. She may be able to work on her low notes but it doesnt mean she sucks. Her single obviously made it over here and this far for a reason. I'd have to say like that old saying goes "If you dont have anything nice to say then keep it to yourself" because obviously you have different taste then her voice and it doesnt make her a bad singer. And if your unimpressed then i'd like to know who you think has this amazing voice because every singer has there own style and there own way of singing a song and the people who dont seem to make it "big" is just not able to make it for reason you cant say even if they have a great voice may the songs they're singing dont fit them so they need to go in a different direction. Time will tell all, for all singers and actors as well.

  • At 9:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As if you said all that about leona! Youre just jealous cos u don't have any talent. Only amazing singer out there!

  • At 5:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Look Leona Lewis is good but Only time will tell like paul said. If she comes up with an (even) better album/single Then I'll start listening to her music. She's got a voice of course but in her next single I would like to see more Range.

    -You all are lousy cunts.

  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger enzo said…

    D'luv, I'm pretty sure the world just disagreed with ur thoughts on "Bleeding Love" at which point we need to start posing questions about ur ability to judge songs and true talent. So save ur quirky comments for picking up bachelor party whores at the bar, im guessing u probly need them.
    And for those ppl downing L.L's personality, remember this: A touch
    of class beats a piece of arse anyday. Leona duznt need a sextape, a short-skirt or a drug-habit to sell records, she duz it with beauty and not with booty. A true star

  • At 1:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    wow, u guys r sad, whoever is making fun of her, cuz like the others who are backing her up said, she obviously has talent, its just not ur thing, like i dont think emo scremo is great, but i dont shit on it! and i luv how everyone says its crap, except it made #1. on american top forty, for more than one week! so there, she not just a 15 minute famer! and also, who cares if she reaches the top, there are alot of unknown extremely talented people out there, and just because they arent famous makes them shitty?? and obviously shes famous for a reason....hmmm i wonder wat it can be...o right talent! wat do ya know! HAR HAR!


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