dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Where's The Friendly Fire When You Need It, Soulja Boy?

Hip hop has eaten itself. America, "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" isn't a good song. And it's certainly not good enough to send back to #1.

"Ms. New Booty"? Now that was some damn fine lowest common denominator rap. And "Buy U A Drank" really spoke the people. But Soulja Boy can go suck it on the low in the barracks.

Meanwhile, what's up with "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat (#10)? Just what we need -- another broad with an acoustic guitar and a ratty notebook who got dumped at the coffee shop. Get a job, ho -- Jewel's not dead just yet.

And what's the deal with these hot pieces of ass like Rob Thomas and Adam Levine foisting mediocre crap like "How Far We've Come" (#11) and "Wake Up Call" (#19) onto the masses and expecting a hit? That might work for the VH1 set, but unless they come up with something brilliant like "Soulja Boy," they can kiss the Playboy Mansion goodbye.

Truth be told, there's only one good pop song in the Top 40: Timbaland and OneRepublic's "Apologize." If you haven't downloaded it yet, do so now. It's up from #33 to #22 this week. Don't even get me started on that one-hit wonder, Feist, or that whore Jennifer Lopez having the Hot Shot Debut at #53 with her latest disposable jiggle trash, "Do It Well" (ironically written and produced by OneRepublic's Ryan Tedder).

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" - Soulja Boy *3 weeks*
2. "Stronger" - Kanye West *airplay gainer*
3. "The Way I Are" - Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E.
4. "Big Girls Don't Cry" - Fergie
5. "Bed" - J. Holiday
6. "Ayo Technology" - 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
7. "Let It Go" - Keyshia Cole feat. Missy Elliot & Lil Wayne
8. "Rockstar" - Nickelback
9. "Who Knew" - Pink
10. "Bubbly" - Colbie Caillat

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  • At 2:01 PM, Anonymous John said…

    Your hip-hop assessment was dead on. If you're going to record a no-substance hip-hop track, do it right. Soulja Boy is crappity-crap. And speaking of new releases, any word if the Shayne Ward is going to be released here in the States?

  • At 11:26 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    But isn't it worth having "Crank That" around for all the videos on YouTube that have Disney animated characters singing along to it?

    Bambi 2! The Lion King!

    No, OK, not really. Not at all.

    (Ripped straight from the NY Times via Idolator, btw.)

    I didn't really want to say it because I feel sort of mean, but that "Bubbly" song brings out feelings of irrational anger in me--like anything John Mayer does. I mean, it should just be this perfectly innocuous little song, sweet, maybe even lovely, but something about it just irks me. I could be changing my tone in a year or so when everyone else has moved on, though :-/ Its success baffles me.

  • At 1:22 AM, Blogger Paul said…

    stop with the wake up call bashing :)

  • At 9:56 AM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    John, no, no word on Shayne Ward over here. However, if Simon, Clive, 19, et. all were to do so, now would be the perfect time, while Timberlake's album is winding down.

    PG, I hear you... John Mayer and Dave Matthews are so boring that I can't even fathom how vacuous one's soul must be to buy that horseshit.

    Paul, re: "Wake Up Call"... see John Mayer, Colby Caillat, etc.

  • At 3:26 PM, Blogger xolondon said…

    I deleted Wake Up Call (and the chin juice song) from my ipod, but I still like M5, Paulie Z.

    Cooby Coyote or whatever her name is got her deal via her very well-known industry dad Ken, a longtime assoc of Fleetwood Mac.


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