dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Will Someone Put F***ing "Apologize" At #1 Already?!

Who the hell's running the payola department in Timba Land, anyway? Did they blow all the cash trying to make "Love Stoned/I Think She Knows" a hit? If OneRepublic's "Apologize" -- which has gone up and down the upper part of Billboard's Hot 100 at the velocity of Girls Aloud at a frat party -- doesn't make it to the top, while Soulja Boy was able to spend two years months at #1, there really is something fundamentally wrong with this country. Just hand the keys over to China already.

While we're at it, does this Top 10 need an enema or what? Who are half of these people? What the hell is Flo Rida? When did T-Pain become more relevant than the Bee Gees? Look, I know, I know...it sounds like the rant of some cranky old buzzard. But I'm an American living in a dying empire. If I had a kid these days who even entertained the notion of reaching for iTunes, I'd snap their fingers off with hedge clippers. (What up, mom!)

Taking the irony award this week is Jordin Sparks, who despite being panned yesterday for having the worst first-week showing for an American Idol winner on the album chart (and with sales figures), has the Sales Gainer on the Hot 100 with "Tattoo." The lovelorn single moves up from #16 to #12. Hey, maybe if Jordin covered "Sky High" and released it in the U.K. there might truly be some pop justice for her?

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "No One" - Alicia Keys *2 weeks*
2. "Apologize" - Timbaland feat. OneRepublic
3. "Kiss Kiss" - Chris Brown feat. T-Pain
4. "Low" - Flo Rida feat. T-Pain *airplay gainer*
5. "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" - Soulja Boy
6. "Bubbly" - Colbie Caillat
7. "Clumsy" - Fergie
8. "Good Life" - Kanye West feat. T-Pain
9. "Hate That I Love You" - Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo
10. "Cyclone" - Baby Bash feat. T-Pain

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  • At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Crank That (Orangutan) said…

    T-Pain is the most relevent person in all of our lives. Especially for those like me who spend most of our time buying "dranks" for "shawtys" and falling "n luv wit" strippers!

  • At 11:55 AM, Blogger Joshua said…

    Flo Rida® was going to be the name of the self-disposing tampons I was going to invent when I turned 30 :(

  • At 3:17 PM, Blogger duanemoody.com said…

    It really just highlights just who is buying music these days; especially singles. Hand it to them, and they will get it! Just look at the iTunes 100!!! It depresses me that some of the great music out there never even gets recognized (At least OneRepublic are more well known that others I think deserve the same fame) because of the lack luster stuff dominating the charts.

    Oh well, what are you going to do, right?

  • At 4:15 PM, Blogger paul @ www.thezapping.com said…

    i am starting to like the thingy song (Apologise) and their album is ok. I am even starting to like Colbie whatserflaps.

  • At 6:06 PM, Blogger Mike said…

    What a vile top 10. I'd prefer to see an unairbrushed photo of Mariah than listen to Flor Rida or T Pain!

  • At 12:03 AM, Anonymous John said…

    It's gotten to the point that NPR had a piece on yesterday, explaining to the oldsters who/what T-Pain is. When they started describing the vocoder, I was really amused.

  • At 11:54 PM, Blogger FitnessNerd said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • At 11:55 PM, Blogger FitnessNerd said…

    Hell yes, I love the fact that T-Pain is considered ingenious because of the freakin' vocoder. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

    I've pretty much tuned out much of the top forty ever since Chingy started with is wonderful pronunciations.

    With that being said, I think Jordin is going to do all right. I actually do like the song, and I don't know. I guess I'm ready for bubblegum to come back...god kill me.


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