dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Never Again: The 10 Worst Pop Singles Of 2007

Just in time for Christmas, here is the year's worst in pop, as dictated by music's dodgiest of critics, D'luv and MoogaBoo.

10. "Clothes Off" - Gym Class Heroes

MoogaBoo says: "I hope Jermaine Stewart isn't just rolling in his grave -- I want him to plow through the cemetery and bowl a strike with the rotted remains of the Escape Club, the obvious musical ancestors of 2007's shittiest band."

9. "Shut Up And Drive" - Rihanna

D'luv says: "Yeah, yeah. I went there. But if you really stop and think about it, this song is completely useless."

8. "Stronger" - Kanye West

MoogaBoo says: "I'm sorry, but no. All goodwill points earned for sampling Daft Punk were lost by the third repetition of the word 'Isotoners.'"

7. "Never Again" - Kelly Clarkson

D'luv says: "It's best not to piss off Clive Davis, Kelly. No one likes watching that old woman smash dishes."

6. "Grace Kelly" - Mika

MoogaBoo says: "I tried to tune out the overly precious image -- the chrysanthemum hair, the canvas shoes -- and just focus on the music. Turns out that really sucks, too."

5. "Bubbly" - Colbie Caillat

D'luv says: "Stock away the cash from your hit, doll, because dinner theater in Milwaukee for the next 30 years is gonna be a drag."

4. "Don't Matter" - Akon

MoogaBoo says: "Nobody wanna see us too-geh-der, but it don't matter, no. Quit your whining and do it on the down-low, queen."

3. "Rehab" - Amy Winehouse

D'luv says: "Hasn't someone shot this ratty broad by mistake and mounted her over their fireplace yet?"

2. "Beautiful Liar" - Beyoncé & Shakira

MoogaBoo says: "Shakira, hon, your last two hits have set a bad, bad precedent. You'll never sing solo again. Maybe sometime around your 50th anniversary of being a showbiz ho Clive Davis will throw you a bone at one of his pre-Grammy fondue parties. But don't count on it!"

1. "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" - Soulja Boy

D'luv says: "Soulja Boy gets a dishonorable discharge. And by that, we mean the kind your mom shot out right after you were born."

* ALSO SEE: D'luv & MoogaBoo's 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2007

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  • At 8:17 AM, Blogger Mike said…

    I like "Beautiful Liar" (well, the remixed version anyway) and think "Clothes Off" is so bad it borders on genius but the other choices are inspired! Thank fuck I'm not alone in thinking Amy Winehouse is an overrated banged up whore and seeing Mika in your list was heart warming!

  • At 12:20 PM, Blogger Yuяi said…

    How can Soulja Boy Tell'em be the worst when he has such a cool DANCE to go along with the track?! And such a cool name... where's the luv, D'luvz?

    And the Freemasons have totally transformed "Beautiful Liar" so that one should get a pass!

  • At 3:17 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    I think I can definitely say I like at least five of these songs...but the inclusion of "Bubbly" is enough for me to wholly support this list.

  • At 8:20 PM, Blogger John said…

    I won't lie...there are a couple of songs on the list I really like (I still don't get sick of "Stronger"), but most of your selections I highly support. And yes, Soulja Boy Tell'em is the most heinous song released in the last 10 years.

  • At 9:24 PM, Blogger El MarvelOso said…

    D'luv, you dropped your first name?!?!

    Have a great holiday! Looking forward to your wonderful insight in 2008!

  • At 5:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Inspired by insomnia, I searched for anything with the words "Bubbly" and "worst" together, since I think that it may very well be the worst song I've heard written by someone out of high school. Good job.


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