dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Spice-pocalypse: I Can Mel C Clearly Now

While still reeling from the aftershock of the Spicequake, I'll attempt to recount last night's Second Coming of the Spice Girls here in L.A.

Above is the Spice booty my wallet was raped for (click to enlarge) -- the best $35 I ever spent! (Well, okay, the Surf Dudez IV: Long, Hard Summer DVD comes in a close second.)

The evening started out with some friends descending upon the house D'luv for a little bubbly, nibblies and, of course, Spice tunes!

We then jetted off to the Staples Center and I was surprised at how great our seats actually were (sixth row, off to the side).

All in all, I've seen well over 150 concerts, but this was by far the most poptastic. At one point, I was expecting Jesus to levitate out from under Geri Halliwell's skirt, because the beer-in-hand bimbos in the row behind us were rapidly gyrating and screeching in tongues. Below are some key observations from the night.


* The enormous Staples Center was sold out (as it was for Wednesday's show), and it was the only concert I've ever been to where people were screaming and dancing a good hour before the artist even took the stage. They didn't stop till the lights came on three hours later, after the final number. It really was the very definition of "mania."

* Every little girl who was into the Spice Girls as a 9-, 10- or 11-year-old has grown up to be a complete ho. The place was packed with party sluts. Myself, I was already a 23-year-old whore dropping my panties for the paparazzi the first time around. I taught these little bitches everything they know.

* There were full sets of Spice drag queens, twentysomething women in perfectly-detailed Spice attire, cute gay boys, teenagers, moms with small children, lesbians, hipsters and suburbanites sprinkled throughout audience. Basically, the people of the world spiced up their lives.


* Complete spectacle: expensive-looking film clips on the video monitors, pyrotechnics, amazing light sequences, a yowza-hot troupe of males dancers, a huge backing band, fountains of glitter shooting out into the audience and almost a dozen costume changes. Oh, yeah -- and the Spice Girls singing songs!

* Melanie C carries the other four -- both with the singing and dancing -- but Posh gets the most applause. It's so not fair! Sporty does all the work and Posh does absolutely nothing! Everytime Victoria Beckham went to sing a solo bit, the sound people had to crank up her mic about 10 decibals because you couldn't even hear her at first.

* The show lagged a bit during the ballads -- mainly "Headlines" and "Let Love Lead The Way." I personally like both songs, but luckily those in charge had the intuition to only incorporate a brief, two-minute version of "Let Love Lead The Way," since it's one of their lesser-known hits.

* Geri Halliwell stole the entire night. Not a person walked out of there without being smitten by that tiny broad. She was completely camp and showbiz.


Truly amazing clip of the finale!

* "Spice Up Your Life": It opened the whole show, and a remixed version -- which had the five in a conga line with all their dancers as flags of the world's different nations zipped across the video screens and silver confetti sprayed the audience -- closed it.

* "2 Become 1": Spice Girls grinding candy-striped stripper poles.

* "Holler": Geri dropped into the floor as the other leather-clad gals had four dancers on their hands and knees and led them around on sparkling dog leashes. Pure class!

* "It's Raining Men" and "I Turn To You": Geri and Mel C's solo numbers trumped Emma doing "Maybe" and Posh's fun-but-ridiculous catwalk strut while chatting into a cell phone.

* "Wannabe," "Stop" and "Say You'll Be There": The audience sang along every word at a fever pitch.

* "Viva Forever": Utterly amazing. There was a whole extended flamenco-dancing intro. This has always been, for me, one of the most beautiful pop singles from any artist.


I first saw Spice Girls perform in summer 1998 in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately, it was two weeks after Geri left the group, and so it was hard to get fully enthused for the show.

In the tour program, Geri writes: "I would like to take this opportunity to say a very big sorry to all the fans... especially those in America. I guess I walked out on you as well as the girls. You never got to see us as a five piece... so this is my opportunity to make it up to everyone. Thanks for the second chance."


Finally, if anyone out there is on the fence about going and has the chance to, DO IT! It's just good ol' fashioned fun. The Spice Girls aren't Mozart or Radiohead, but they've got something most acts lack: the ability the bring out the kid in us all and lift you to your feet for two hours of glittery, carefree cheer. Never give up on the good times!

The Girls' official website notes that Kate Beckinsale and two of the Pussycat Dolls were in the audience, as well as Arnold Schwarzenegger, who went backstage to say hello.

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  • At 4:38 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    You know, I was never what one would characterize as a HUGE Spice Girls fan, but they did make some good music in their day. You're right, it's not Mozart, but not everything has to be. You have inspired me to give them a listen again this afternoon.

    My biggest Spice Girls memory is how I was working at a Drug Town Pharmacy back in 1998-99 and you could tell that it was approximately 1:45 PM because "Stop" played over the canned music system at that time every day. No joke.

    Glad you had a great time at the show.

  • At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Jason, thanks for the comment. Your piece is great too about last night's concert.

    I saw them in Boston back in 1998 when Geri left as well. That was really sweet of Geri to give an apology. I can honestly I shed a little tear seeing Geri there with the girls. That in itself was the highlight of my night.

    I do hope they release this concert on DVD.

  • At 5:45 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    "Every little girl who was into the Spice Girls as a 9-, 10- or 11-year-old has grown up to be a complete ho."

    Ha ha ha ha ha--well, I guess what did you expect after all that exposure to super-short dresses and sports bras at that impressionable age?

    It was great reading your review--and that Geri stole the night!

  • At 11:54 PM, Anonymous vicky works the runway, sweetie said…

    Do tell more about La Halliwell stealing the night!

    And I totally agree about "Viva Forever"...the legacy of the Spices will!

  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger Phil said…

    What a brilliant report! I had no chance of getting tix for the London shows. Loved the vid of the finale.

    I knew the Spicies would put on a good show.

  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    Thanks, Dan -- and I hope you enjoyed revisiting the Spicebroads over the weekend!

    Jephrox, they're having a documentary filmed on the tour, so I"m imagining there'll be one of the concerts on their in full, too, once it gets released.

    PG, good point! Thanks...

    Vicky, It was mostly her doing "It's Raining Men." As cliched as it sounds, it was exremely camp and wonderful. There is a person who shot excellent clips of all the songs at both LA shows (I put the one up of "Spice Up Your Life" in this post), and they just uploaded the "It's Raining Men" one and all the others here.

    Thanks, Phil. I"m still in awe over how amazing it was!

  • At 1:04 PM, Anonymous numbfromdrugs said…

    Aw, doll! Sounds like magicalskandal!

  • At 3:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I has no idea I was such a Spice Girls whore. I guess I come out of the closet…again! The concert was off the hook -- too much fun to handle!

  • At 5:44 PM, Blogger mike said…

    that "mission accomplished" moment in the video is deeeeeeeeep.

    i wish i had gone. weep.

  • At 9:32 AM, Blogger Adem With An E said…

    BRILLIANT REVIEW. I now know that I'll be going to whatever show they end up churning out in Australia, even if it means traveling to the other side of the country to do so.

  • At 1:17 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    "Yellow man in timbuktu" ???

    WTF Spice Girls? I've always taken some offense to that line in SUYL, and then to have them downright showcase it during the finale complete with Oriental percussions and exotic arm movements... I was like, Wow... You win!

  • At 2:08 PM, Blogger J'ason D'luv said…

    But, Joshua, it's "color for both me and you!" Or is it "colorful both me and you"? I was never able to tell what they say exactly.

  • At 2:13 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    If you're my dad, then you'd say "coror-for both me and you", but the Spice Girls, I believe it's "colorful both me and you"


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