dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Maybe If Jordin Sparks Did A Night Vision Sex Tape, Her Album Would Sell Better

Jordin Sparks should totally shoot a sex vid with Chris Brown as the official clip for their duet, "No Air," right? Imagine the hot publicity! She'd be the coolest chick in music! Her album would fly off shelves! Graduation ceremonies and heads of state would invite her to speak across the nation! Elizabeth would fly her over for tea and backhanded verbal abuse! As it is, Jordin's album is languishing at #49 on Billboard's album chart in week 10 of its release.

But in this age of poor album sales, last year's American Idol winner has at least eked out a career as a singles artist; "No Air" is currently #51 on the Hot 100, and looks to be her second hit after "Tattoo."

And speaking of pop broads who hitched their wagons to male R&B stars to have a hit, Natasha Bedingfield and Sean Kingston's "Love Like This" moves up to #11 in the same week her album Pocketful Of Sunshine debuts in the Top 5. She has combined digital sales of the official single and the song off the album to thank. Additionally, the song "Pocketful Of Sunshine" debuts on the Hot 100 at #65 after being played on The Hills' recent season finale.

In fact, all the pop dames on are on the move this week: Britney Spears jumps into the Top 20 with "Piece Of Me" (#18) the day after she's carted off (again) to the looney bin, and Miley Cyrus' "See You Again" climbs five spots to #28 as "Ready, Set, Don't Go," her duet with dad Billy Ray, trails behind at #38. (Let that sink in for a moment -- Billy Ray Cyrus is in the Top 40 again, 18 years after "Achy Breaky Heart.")

Perhaps the most scandalous new entry is the Michael Jackson's updated "Wanna Be Startin' Something 2008," at #81, wherein Akon vocally molests the classic tune like it was a thong-clad teen handpicked from the front row. The whole Thriller redux seems so unnecessary. But then, so does the whole "featuring Akon and T-Pain" trend.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Low" - Flo Rida feat. T-Pain *6 weeks*
2. "No One" - Alicia Keys
3. "With You" - Chris Brown
4. "Apologize" - Timbaland feat. OneRepublic
5. "Don't Stop The Music" - Rihanna *sales gainer*
6. "Clumsy" - Fergie
7. "Take You There" - Sean Kingston
8. "Sensual Seduction" - Snoop Dogg
9. "Love Song" - Sara Bareilles
10. "Kiss Kiss" - Chris Brown feat. T-Pain

Maybe If Blake Lewis And Ryan Tedder Did Sex, Jordin Sparks' Album Would Sell Better
Maybe If Jordin Sparks Dropped Her Panties For TMZ.com, Her Album Would Sell Better
How Jesus Made Natasha Bedingfield A Big Star

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  • At 4:57 PM, Blogger John said…

    All I can say is that I don't hate this top 10 like I hated some of the top 10s back in 2007. Shallow compliment, but at least I said something nice. Just blown away by the success of "Don't Stop the Music", though. There's hope for upbeat pop music yet.

  • At 3:13 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    Go Miley! It's actually really rising--not just floating around the bottom of the chart--then? That's fantastic! SO deserves to be a mega-hit.

  • At 8:22 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    John, ditto. I thought for sure DSTM would have flizz-opped off the planet by now, and, granted, it didn't catch on the first time around last summer....

    PG, agreed, though I am getting a bit sick of it. I've regressed back to listening to "Nobody's Perfect."

  • At 4:06 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    I don't think I've listened to that one at all (though it's her most famous song, right?)...I do like "East Northumberland High," or whatever it's called, though.

  • At 7:47 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    babe, I only know the hits. I've not got the patience to delve deep into Miley's repertoire just yet.

  • At 4:29 AM, Anonymous peakoilscotland said…

    This can't work in reality, that's what I think.

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