dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Leona Lewis, My Ears Keep Bleeding, Love

Chyldren, this Leona Lewis phenom -- I'm telling you, I never thought it would actually happen here. After all, when was the last time a young, sparkly-eyed British singer who made it big on a U.K. television show actually crossed over in the States. And why couldn't it have been the much more interesting (read: hot) Shayne Ward -- or even Jordan! -- instead of Leona Lewis? Sigh.

But then it dawned on me; of course she would happen here. Simon Cowell and Clive Davis have infused her with just enough blandness and thrusted just the right lifeless ballads upon her in the studio to perfectly pre-package Leona for the American market.

"Bleeding Love," Leona Lewis' debut U.S. single, is this week's Sales Gainer on the Billboard Hot 100, zipping 20 positions to #21.

Elsewhere, Mariah Carey's "Touch My Body" jumps from #24 to #16, Janet Jackson's "Feedback" plunges like Alexandra Dupre into Eliot Spitzer's shorts from #19 to #28 and Cascada's Perfect Day debuts on the album chart at #70. The Eurodance act's cover of "What Hurts The Most" appears to have peaked on the Hot 100 at #52.

And that's really what hurts the most: Cascada's Natalie Horler, who has the voice of a celestial choir of heavenly angels on Christmas morning, gets trumped over here by Leona Lewis. As Ace Of Base once taught us so very well, life is truly demanding without understanding.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Love In This Club" - Usher Feat. Young Jeezy *2 weeks*
2. "With You" - Chris Brown
3. "Low" - Flo Rida Feat. T-Pain
4. "Love Song" - Sara Bareilles
5. "Don't Stop The Music" - Rihanna
6. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks Duet With Chris Brown *airplay gainer*
7. "Sexy Can I" - Ray J & Young Berg
8. "Apologize" - Timbaland Feat. OneRepublic
9. "Independent" - Webbie, Lil' Phat & Lil' Boosie
10. "Superstar" - Lupe Fiasco Feat. Matthew Santos

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  • At 11:58 AM, Anonymous Orangutan Can I said…

    Jordan - HA! Love it. :-)

  • At 5:14 PM, Blogger Paul said…

    Remarkably i'm not bored of Leona's Bleeding Love yet. Even more puzzling i'm quite enamoured with Better in Time. I'm quite "old" at the moment so i think i'm skewing middle of the road. You're right about Shayne being massive, but there is a largely unsung Idol album that has vocals as good(better) as Leona but with more spunk coming out of her mouth (EW) And no it's not the classic Meaning of Love by Michelle TheAnus. I'll sit on a while longer before i reveal - and no, sadly it's not Boffable Blake i'm sitting on.

    (PS - god, dluv you bring out the whore in me!)

  • At 6:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's pretty obvious -- least of all from looking at that picture -- that Simon porked and pickled that warbling horse-face. Leona is a wannabe Mariah Carey. I'd much rather refer to her as a poor man's version of Carey. Speaking of that Nu' Yawk Biatch, she's replaced Janet "Got The Flu" Jackson on SNL this week and is performing "Touch My Body" and the expected 2nd single "Migrate" -- J.Ackerman

  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger Steve said…

    Alexandra Dupre!

    How timely!

    Ripped from the headlines!

  • At 8:40 PM, Blogger John said…

    I agree with most of the recap, but Jordan? HELLZ NO! That's a genie bottle you should just leave on the beach, or better yet, just ask Peter to Sit N Spin on it. I'm sure he'd enjoy that a bit too much.

  • At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What's the matter dumb-luv? Can't handle the truth that Leona's going to make you look like the fool you truly are?

  • At 6:50 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    OCI, toootally.

    Paul, you're only as old as you feel when there are three fingers up you, kiddo.

    J-ackerman, yes, saw that... "Migrate" apparently features T-Pain... wonder if he'll be on , too?

    Steve, all the news that's fit to distort here....

    John, Peter Andre... tiny c*** on that one.

    Anonymous, I'd love for her to ride my back while swatting me with a riding crop, actually, while she's wearing thigh high vinyl boots. Maybe then I might actually find her interesting.

  • At 6:18 AM, Anonymous NatalieC said…

    Leona is amazing, you're just jealous because shes beautiful and talented!

  • At 4:23 PM, Anonymous shakira said…

    fleona spewis has a face like an english breakfast. that nose looks like a corndog. she's worth of sucking some nasty cowell dick but she's no shakera.

  • At 12:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    pity the fool that is d-luv. Pity the poor, worthless fool.

  • At 9:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    this article is utter bullshit

    such bitterness and jealousy it's quite funny. she's now number 1 in the billboard charts.. so im afraid you're now the minority. you're so smug and u think youre so clever putting a negative slant to it.. well im afraid the people have spoken and leona is LIKED. so fuck u

  • At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Samson said…

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