dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I Wouldn't Even F*** This Chart With David Archuleta's D***

Between the two of them, American Idol winner David Cook and runner-up David Archuleta see 14 songs debut on Billboard's Hot 100 this week, after being made available on iTunes...that's so decadently ghetto that I'm not sure what this underlines more: the overall popularity of Idol or the complete irrelevancy of the old-school pop chart in the era of the downloadable single.

Regardless, David Cook is the big winner all the way around -- "The Time Of My Life" is the Hot Shot Debut, at #3, after selling 236,000 downloads last week, and it leads three other tracks by him that land in the Top 40 alone. Alas, Baby Queen's highest position is #36, with his turgid, Z-grade cover of John Lennon's "Imagine." Gag.

It's also a classy week for Coldplay, whose single "Viva La Vida" jumps 31 positions to #10 after its inclusion in an Apple commercial. You see, that's the way they do it these days. Radio? Over. MTV? Who? To have a hit you just have to suck off Steve Jobs (Great technique, Chris Martin!) or bend over for Simon Cowell (Holla, Archuleta!).

The rest of it's a sack of horseshit, except for the fact that Chris Brown's "Forever" is finally seeing some love; it's this week's Airplay Gainer. But it still falls from #20 to #23. Like I said...horseshit.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Lollipop" - Lil Wayne Feat. Static Major *3 weeks*
2. "Bleeding Love" - Leona Lewis
3. "The Time Of My Life" - David Cook *hot shot debut*
4. "Take A Bow" - Rihanna
5. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks Duet With Chris Brown
6. "Love In This Club" - Usher Feat. Young Jeezy
7. "Sexy Can I" - Ray J & Young Berg
8. "4 Minutes" - Madonna Feat. Justin Timberlake
9. "Pocketful Of Sunshine" - Natasha Bedingfield
10. "Viva La Vida'" - Coldplay *sales gainer*

New Towleroad column up now!

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  • At 2:05 PM, Blogger Yuяi said…

    I'm not sure which is more shocking, the crappy chart (and all those debuts) or Michael Johns whispering sweet-nothings in Cookie's ear!

  • At 2:25 PM, Blogger Tasty Travels said…

    Damn, doll...you've finally joined bittersta ranks with that rant!

  • At 4:19 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    The David-Michael thing was about the second thing I noticed about that photo, too!

    Anyway, I love me some Idol finalist music, so I'll be interested in hearing what these guys (and other contestants) end up releasing in terms of their own material. I was even going to buy David Cook's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (oh, hush; I adore that song and I actually thought it suited him really well...or it could just be one of those songs that as long as you don't totally ruin it, I'll enjoy listening to your version), but it's now no longer available on iTunes--what's with that?

  • At 4:21 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    ...I should qualify that "am interested" doesn't mean "am going to like" or "am very invested in."

  • At 7:29 PM, Anonymous The Orangutan Of My Life said…

    I gotta admit, I do like me some cookies!

  • At 12:15 AM, Anonymous shaun said…

    Speaking of a blow job from Chris Martin, I think he would be a great candidate for one of your "can't decide if I'd do" posts...sometimes, I find him to be right down hot...then there's the rest of the time...

  • At 1:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Even pitiful Taylor Hick's first single debuted at #1. Cook is the only winner besides Jordin Sparks to miss the top spot. That's definitely not the mark of a real winner.

  • At 7:25 AM, Blogger thefourohfive said…

    Great site guys!



  • At 11:14 AM, Anonymous I O U Orangutan said…

    Well I don't think it's really fair to compare David Cook and Jordin Sparks chart placements to Taylor Hicks as the Hicks single was the last American Idol single released in a physical format. Jordin's was the first download only experiment and her chart success since then has completely overshadowed Hicks.

  • At 12:45 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Mr. Y and Poster Girl, the MJ whispering did catch my attention, which is why I chose it. And did things while staring at it that would make Jesus cry.

    TT, bitter is the new happy!

    PG, I expect David Cook to go the route of that fugly Daughtry, musically.

    Shaun, yeah, he's like the poor man's Jude Law...like, we're talking, destitute.

    Anonymous, now, now...look at Jennifer Hudson! She didn't even make the top 3 and now she's 7th banana in the Sex And The City movie!

    405, I know, right?! Oh, I mean thanks.

    Orangutan, good point. Plus, Taylor Hicks just looked like the lesbian grandma in Napoleon Dynamite.

  • At 10:08 PM, Blogger John said…

    I think I've already confessed my liking David Cook, so I'll lay off my words of appreciation. I do think that the debuts of so many songs show that this guy actually has built up a fan base that might support him going forward. What the quality of that music will be remains to be seen.

    The visual of Simon and Archie...it BURNS!


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