dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Just Suck Each Other Off Already

Coldplay's fourth album Viva La Vida will debut at #1 on Billboard's Top 200 Albums chart, says the trade rag, after first-week sales of 737,000. That's a great start, but it's still just behind Lil Wayne's Tha Carter III, which moved over a million copies for 2008's best debut last week.

I'm telling you, Chris Martin and Guy Berryman just need to hit it...like major 69 action in the "Viva La Vida" video, which is being directed by Anton Corbijn. That'd boost sales a bit! See, why don't these goddamn labels ever hire me for these big marketing decisions?

Whore du jour Katy Perry debuts at #9 on the new album chart with One Of The Boys. So much for kissing girls for a sales ploy. My advice to her would be do ditch amateur hour and just go for full-on Requiem For A Dream ass-to-ass action. And use a broom handle with the bristles snapped off. That alone is a guaranteed #6 chart position.

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  • At 1:22 PM, Anonymous shaun said…

    Now see, I had finally made a decision as to CM's doability (seeing his gigantic, goofy hair in the last picture you posted helped me in making that critical decision), but now I see this picture, and I'm torn again...It's like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry dates the woman whose appearance drastically changes depending on the lighting...

  • At 5:27 PM, Blogger Paul said…

    classy as ever D'Luv :P hehe. Though i'd pay to see lovely guy dangle his berries...

  • At 10:11 PM, Blogger John said…

    This is bordering on obsession. D'luv, are you sure your next gig isn't writing fan porn for sensitive rockers?

  • At 10:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I dunno about this Blog anymore. I mean a little sarcasm is just fine, but your posts are now bordering on boring. It's not even funny anymore.

    Are you just not getting laid?

  • At 7:48 PM, Anonymous Viva L'Orangutan said…

    2 HOTT I can always count on D'luvvly to get my dangerzone all agitated!

  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Shaun, I like to present an opposing viewpoint now and then. I'm like the "20/20" of sexy.

    Paul, I'm pretty posh, luv.

    John, like a butterfly I will capture you.

    Anonymous, do hand jobs at the car wash count?

    Viva L'O, if you're stiff, man, then my job is done. Leave the fiver on the dresser.

  • At 3:36 PM, Anonymous write_light said…

    OH I AM SO THERE! I second john's request for sensitive rocker pornfics starring Chris and Guy. (Was it a request?)

  • At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I second the request for hardcore softrocker p0rn!

    ...but make it Jonny/Chris, because that is press interview stated canon!

    ...on a related note, Gwyneth/Madonna, yeeeah!

    - Gin


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