dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Basshunter Makes Me Want To Put A Drill Through My Forehead

Based on digital downloads alone, the trifecta that is Dizzee Rascal, Calvin Harris and Chrome knock Ne-Yo off the top of the U.K. singles chart this week with the super-fantastic "Dance Wiv Me," which is also available from U.S. iTunes.

Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris performed a pared-down, acoustic (read: bad) version of the tune together during Glastonbury last weekend, which you can catch here.

Whatever the opposite of super- fantastic may be is what you'll want to file Basshunter under. "All I Ever Wanted" (#3) sounds like the every meth-head trance anthem you can think of from 2000, but then ten times as irritating. It reminds of when I first moved to L.A., and every kiosk selling sunglasses and incense at the Santa Monica promenade or on Venice Beach would be blasting this garbage out of some tinny boombox with shitty speakers.

I'd often think to myself, I bet they'd sell more shades if only they were playing A*Teens instead! But, hey—tweak on, kids!

Down the chart a bit is Madonna's "Give It 2 Me," hovering at #18. Isn't that about where it should be? I don't know...I've changed my mind on this album so many times, and I haven't even listened to it since May! Hard Candy kind of arrived with a bang, then immediately all the steam shot out every orifice and it limped away like a sagging old prostitute with a hot case of rickets. Oh, well, there's always next time around, right?

And pull your head out of your snatch before you hit the studio again, baby. A little more "Burnin' Up" and "Open Your Heart," and less grandma Kabbalah-crunk lite.

Finally, we have Maroon 5's "If I Never See Your Face Again," re-recorded with broad-of-the-moment Rihanna in a desperate bid for a hit, floundering at #36 after peaking at #28. Dumb boy hookers, you can't really reheat leftover horeseshit and try to pass it off as a non-fat caramel Frappuccino, now can you?

Don't forget to vote for the greatest male pop star of the past 25 years!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Dance Wiv Me" - Dizzee Rascal/Calvin Harris/Chrome *1 week*
2. "Closer" - Ne-Yo
3. "All I Ever Wanted" - Basshunter *new*
4. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks Duet With Chris Brown
5. "Forever" - Chris Brown
6. "Stay With Me" - Ironik *new*
7. "Viva La Vida" - Coldplay
8. "Take A Bow" - Rihanna
9. "Sweet About Me" - Gabriella Cilmi
10. "We Made It" - Busta Rhymes Feat. Linkin Park

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  • At 3:37 PM, Blogger Cristián said…

    Agree about Basshunter. Oh, and the video: is this Vengaboys all over again?

  • At 11:36 AM, Blogger Adem With An E said…

    I'm beginning to feel like I am the only person in the world who still listens to Hard Mandy at least 4 days of every week, at least once.

    It's actually gotten BETTER in my eyes. I feel very left out because of this.

  • At 10:23 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Cristián, you sat through the video?!?

    Adem, yes, luv, you are the only person...

  • At 2:15 PM, Anonymous numbfromdrugs said…

    "Give it to Me" is so much better than that awful first single, whatever it was.

  • At 1:08 PM, Blogger xolondon said…

    Adem needs an intervention (what was it: "a you intervention"?). Anyway, I just wanted to say, belatedly, that I love Forever by Chris Brown. The Brits get this stuff, but next watch it drop fast in the US.


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