dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Let's Talk About This Love/Hate Relationship With Miley Cyrus' "7 Things"

Why is that with Miley Cyrus back in the Top 10 of Billboard's Hot 100, with "7 Things" at #10, all seems right in the world? The tween queen has now racked up two of the biggest guilty pleasure hits of the year. And by giving in to the Hannah Montana munchkin, shame has never hurt so good!

The first time I heard "7 Things," it was only the tail end of the song on the radio. Those dreamy "Oooh-Ooohs" were infectious from the get-go, so it was off to iTunes to download this trash!



What the F?!? Where was the relentless electro swagger that made "See You Again" such an immediate rush? And are those guitars? Why's Miley not hiding her backwoods accent? And the ultimate sin—an emo pop-punk riff over the chorus!

Eventually, one day Sunday evening while taking a walk, "7 Things" came up on shuffle on my iPod, and I actually paid attention to the lyrics. Miley, child, I've been there, too! If he put the whites in the washing machine with a red T-shirt, we were so separated at birth!

You see, turns out Miley Cyrus is a pretty swell broad with a good pop sensibility. The clever songwriting team behind her has the know-how to tap into that universal anguish that not only teens can relate to, but old fuckers like me, too. Suddenly it all clicks into place with "7 Things."

Same thing happened with Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl." And that's how I became a lesbian.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "I Kissed A Girl" - Katy Perry *3 weeks*
2. "Take A Bow" - Rihanna
3. "Lollipop" - Lil Wayne Feat. Static Major
4. "Bleeding Love" - Leona Lewis
5. "Viva La Vida'" - Coldplay
6. "Forever" - Chris Brown
7. "Pocketful Of Sunshine" - Natasha Bedingfield
8. "Burnin' Up" - Jonas Brothers
9. "Push It Baby, Part 2" - Plies Feat. Ne-Yo
10. "7 Things" - Miley Cyrus *sales gainer*

Don't forget to vote for the greatest male pop star of the past 25 years!

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