dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

You'll Chew On Whatever Chris Brown And Ne-Yo Shove Down Your Throat

If this was the moment Chris Brown realized he sold his soul to the Doublemint devil on Tuesday, at the Wrigley's conference, then surely his guilt was assuaged—if only momentarily—when Satan's gum sluts began grinding on him.

You for sure would have expected Chris' "Forever" to hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 this week, perfectly timed mere days after the announcement of the single's corporate product placement shenanigans.

Alas, there it sits, stuck at #3 again like, uh, gum.

Nonetheless, Chris leads his non-girlfriend Rihanna and Ne-Yo in what has become somewhat of a pop trifecta sweeping up the chart this summer.

"Disturbia" closely follows Rihanna's spring hit "Take A Bow," landing in the Top 10 this week at #4. Meanwhile, Ne-Yo's "Closer" climbs to a new high of #14.

Sigh... one can only dare to dream about what his inevitable "kiss a little longer" Big Red jam will sound like. And while "Closer" recently topped the U.K. singles chart, another British #1 is just behind it here at #16 in the form of Estelle's "American Boy."

Another single that doesn't make me want to blow my head off is Jordin Sparks' "One Step At A Time," which has slowly creeped up to #34 like a peg-legged whore hobbling toward a fiver in an old pimp's gnarled grasp.

Which reminds me, it's my grandma's birthday tomorrow.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "I Kissed A Girl" - Katy Perry *6 weeks*
2. "Take A Bow" - Rihanna
3. "Forever" - Chris Brown
4. "Disturbia" - Rihanna
5. "Viva La Vida'" - Coldplay
6. "A Milli" - Lil Wayne
7. "Lollipop" - Lil Wayne Feat. Static Major
8. "Dangerous" - Kardinal Offishall Feat. Akon
9. "Bleeding Love" - Leona Lewis
10. "Leavin'" - Jesse McCartney

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  • At 5:27 AM, Blogger Paul said…

    oh Christopher. That cheesy Wrigleys or whoever tshirt is almost as unforgiveable as 6 weeks of fucking Katy Perry at the top. Which could be read two ways really, both probably fairly accurate!

  • At 8:26 AM, Anonymous rcloy said…

    hey.. how come you havent intro the latest song by jason mraz - im yours? i think its the best song released this year.. lolz..

  • At 1:33 PM, Blogger John said…

    rcloy, I'm actually a huge fan of "I'm Yours", and the rest of Jason's CD, too. Glad to see it's broken through into the Top 30.

    I just don't get sick of "American Boy". The remixes sure haven't hurt on that front. Same for "Closer".

    There's too much pop in the Top 10. Isn't it time for Soulja Boy to release a new CD and have 12 tracks debut in the Top 10?

  • At 5:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    How the hell did this silly colored boy ever get money in his pocket?


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