dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sorry, United Kingdom, But Sucking Face With Katy Perry Is Pretty Much Inevitable

Just do like I did and give in. Give in to Katy Perry. Let her slide on top of you, jam her Sapphic tongue into your mouth and Hoover your molars like an aardvark with its snout up Joss Stone's vagina at a church picnic.

Katy Perry is a conqueror. She'll rule your land like she's ruled mine. She's got one leg wrapped around Big Ben and one over the shoulders of the Golden Gate Bridge. Say a prayer for everything in between.

Do we wish something else had made it to #1 this week? Sure. It would have been nice to see ho brigade The Saturdays make a leap with "If This Is Love." Unfortunately, they instead slip from #8 to #13. It kind of hints at an answer to this question.

Heck, it would've even been swell if The Verve made it to the top with comeback single, "Love Is Noise." That's one damn fine jam! Much like Coldplay with "Viva La Vida," Richard Ashcroft and Co. really pulled out a surprise electro-poppy rocker this summer. And #5 ain't too bad for a band that hasn't had new material out in 11 years.

Here's the vid for "Love Is Noise":

At least the song charts only on digital downloads this week. Maybe it'll jump up when the CD single is released tomorrow.

And maybe Katy Perry will release the world from her orifice-death-grip, too. Dare to dream, kids.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "I Kissed A Girl" - Katy Perry *1 week*
2. "All Summer Long" - Kid Rock
3. "Dance Wiv Me" - Dizzee Rascal/Calvin Harris/Chrome
4. "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" - Script
5. "Love Is Noise" - The Verve *new*
6. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks Duet With Chris Brown
7. "5 Years Time" - Noah & The Whale
8. "Closer" - Ne-Yo
9. "Disturbia" - Rihanna *new*
10. "All I Ever Wanted" - Basshunter

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