dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Hey, 2008, Don't Let The Door Hit Your Ass On The Way Out, Okay?

Alright, so 2008 didn't suck too terribly bad. Well, maybe it did. But there were still a few memorable incidents.

Below are what I deemed some of the highlights, or at least fantastically trashy moments, on Chart Rigger throughout 2008.

As for the photo above, I snapped that in Northridge, California, two Sundays ago.

Be safe tonight, and here's wishing for a great 2009...and Happy New Year!

* The 10 best pop singles of 2008.
* The 10 worst pop singles of 2008.
* L.A.'s Virgin Megastore closes down, and D'luv does a sad video blog.
* The one, the only Kylie Minogue banterview!
* D'luv disses Leona Lewis, incite the wrath of the Leo-tards.
* The notorious "Toca's Miracle" story.
* Pet Shop Boys' Very turns 15. Nostalgia ensues.
* Throwback: Don't walk away, boy.
* D'luv goes to Italy, meets a hot opera singer.
* Heidi Montag's "Higher", truly trashtastic.
* Chris Brown's "Forever" is a Chart Rigger fave upon first listen.
* The ultimate Hillary Clinton election-concession mix tape.
* The third annual MTV VMAs banterview.
* Throwback: These are days you'll remember.

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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

In The End, Was Take That's 'The Circus' Really Any Good?

D'luv likes the idea of Take That. The world, at least European side of it, needs a band like them, it might be safe to assume. Something iconic and familiar to latch onto in uncertain times.

But The Circus was a bit wobbly, I feel. Or was it?

Admittedly, the holiday season was a bit hectic, no doubt for everyone. And my deluxe edition copy of The Circus arrived smack at the onset of it.

Granted, there was that first Saturday after the CD showed up in the mail, where I drove around running errands and listened to it three times. "The Garden," "Said It All" and "You" stood out immediately, warranting repeated plays. "Hold Up A Light" and "How Did It Come To This" were a bit more subtle, but proved to be growers.

I guess what I'm saying is that it wasn't an instantly catchy album. In fact, I haven't listened to it again as a whole much since that first Saturday three weeks back. Maybe it was just too much Mark Owen, and not enough Gary Barlow for my taste?

Anyway, Take That ended up with the second best-selling album of the year in the U.K., at 1.4 million copies sold, behind Duffy's Rockferry (nearly 1.7 million).

And, as mentioned before, The Circus just might get a 2009 U.S. release, according to Universal's U.K. chief.

I've got a long flight ahead of me this afternoon, with a layover in Memphis. It might be time to revisit The Circus. Who knows, maybe what I needed all along was to hear it at a high altitude?

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Sunday, December 28, 2008

This Is (Still) The Rhythm Of The Night

I'm coming to the end of a whirlwind, five day trip back to Pennsylvania for the holidays. I took the above photo in Pittsburgh while driving at night on Friday. It was less about trying to capture a clear image, and more about the glare of the city lights in the rain. Always constant, but less familiar with each passing year.

Last night I got together with four friends from college, several of whom haven't seen each other in over 12 years. It was this week in 1994 that I went to a gay nightclub in Pittsburgh for the first time, with three of the four pals I saw last night. I clearly remember the one guy playing Corona's "The Rhythm Of The Night" single in the car on that trip over and over...and over....and over... (More on that here.)

I reminded everyone of that at dinner last night, and, much to the chagrin of the table behind us, we all began singing the chorus to it. The power of Merlot.

Anyway, just a mention of today's issue at hand: The U.K. chart. Pretty much the same as recent weeks.

I was flipping back through posts here from early 2007, nearly two years ago...a time when Mika and Just Jack were the great new hope.

It's funny how time marches on and, in the end, really waits for no one. Particularly Mika and Just Jack. And me.

Ah, well. At least I'll always have "The Rhythm Of The Night."

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Hallelujah" - Alexandra Burke *2 weeks*
2. "Run" - Leona Lewis
3. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé
4. "Broken Strings" - James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado
5. "Use Somebody" - Kings Of Leon
6. "Greatest Day" - Take That
7. "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley
8. "Once Upon A Christmas Song" - Geraldine
9. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
10. "Human'" - The Killers

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Friday, December 26, 2008

Pet Shop Boys' New Album Is 'Yes'

The Pet Shop Boys note on their official site that their upcoming studio album, out in March, will be titled Yes. As mentioned previously, the first single off the Xenomania-produced set will be "Love, Etc."

Yes is quite the positive, upbeat title, no? Hopefully, after getting the Latin, moody club, musical theater, stripped-down and overproduced urges out of the Boys' collective systems, they're back to proper pop.

That would be so very Very.

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Thursday, December 25, 2008

...And To All, A Good Night

This has been one bastard-assed year, hasn't it? Curve balls seemed to have smacked everyone upside the noggin repeatedly over the course of the past 12 months. And yet, resiliently, here we all still are.

Happy holidays, gang. Thank you for tuning in day after day in 2008. I know it ain't Shakespeare—or even "Shakespeare's Sister" (Haw! Haw!)—but hopefully we got to have a laugh and agree that a few songs were decent enough to make us feel something good.

And, hey, judging by the clip of the new Saint Etienne single, "Method Of Modern Love," and the fact that Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You" will be released mid-January, 2009 is already shaping up to be pretty rad!

Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Big group hug.

Yeah, that's my hand on your ass.


P.S. The photo above, taken on Sunday, is a good place I know just outside Los Angeles if you ever need an edge to go over.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" - Beyoncé *3 weeks*
2. "Live Your Life" - T.I. feat. Rihanna
3. "Just Dance" - Lady GaGa feat. Colby O'Donis
4. "Heartless" - Kanye West *airplay gainer*
5. "Womanizer" - Britney Spears
6. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
7. "Love Story" - Taylor Swift
8. "Love Lockdown" - Kanye West
9. "Whatever You Like" - T.I.
10. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

My Slutty Christina Aguilera Christmas

Nothing warms the heart at the holidays like shame. And, believe it or not, in 2002, D'luv wasn't the handsome, jet-set heartthrob you see before you now.

Yeah, it was a lean Christmas six years ago, and so when I flew home to western Pennsylvania to visit Ma and Pa Luv, dear old dad thoughtfully said to me, "You don't have to get me anything this year, my young child...except the latest issues of Maxim and FHM with that hot Christina Aguilera on them."

Now, keep in mind that the closest thing to pass for a newsstand in the fair hamlet D'luv is a worn, ratty copy of the Pennysaver duct-taped over the shattered window of some hick's El Camino.

Therefore, I had to drive to the Barnes & Noble in nearby Cranberry—aka the town X-tina is from.

Buying a straight softcore mag for the first time is a nerve-wracking experience for a 28-year-old gay man. It's like reliving the first time Father O'Riley slipped a hand down your shorts on the ferris wheel. Only not as hot.

So I get to the cash register with trash mags in hand, and the bookish gent behind the counter says to me, "Oh, she was just in here yesterday with her mother. Christina's in town to donate money to the Pittsburgh women's shelter, you know?"

Yeah, yeah, buddy, just ring up the porn. And, here you go, Dad—nothing says the true meaning of Christmas like some trilling whore in leather pants with the ass cut out of them.

Of course, this was the point where the big Christina backlash was going on because of her slutbag new image at the time. And whereas "Dirrty" had been the first single off her album Stripped that fall—and had completely flopped here in the U.S.—the label did damage control by rushing out the ballad "Beautiful" as her follow-up.

Below is MADtv's riff on that from back then, "Virginal." And as with most of these, you gotta watch to the very end for the true classiness.

And as a sidenote, I gotta hand it to my dad; if it weren't him, I wouldn't be the D'luvvly gentleman I am today.

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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Hallelujah! 'The X Factor' Slides Down Your Chimney And F***s Your Christmas Once Again!

Right. To understand the whole "Hallelujah"/Alexandra Burke/Jeff Buckley nonsense, read this and this. Enjoy your new, totally unsurprising Christmas #1 single, United Kingdom.

What I'd like to know is how Geraldine McQueen's "Once Upon A Christmas Song" (written by Take That's Gary Barlow and Geraldine's alter ego, Peter Kay) didn't make it to the top. Of course, I'm still perplexed by how the Fast Food Rockers' "I Love Christmas" not only peaked at a dismal #25 five years ago, but dropped a piano from the top of a 12-story building onto the cheesy pop trio's career.

Watch "Once Upon A Christmas Song" and "I Love Christmas":

For us pop fans, "I Love Christmas" was a landmark defeat. A victory snatched from our warm hearts. A doom-laden pall of despair heaped upon the Christmas holiday like a dumptruck full of dead hookers backing over a small child on a tricycle, over and over and over again.

But we swore, never again! We'd come back and achieve glory! We'd ensure that pop would reclaim its rightful place at the top of the festive chart each year! And, wow-wow-WOW! Look how great we did!

Halle-fucking-lujah, Great Britain! You've got The X Factor!

Things could always be worse, however—or in Boyzone's case, "Better." Their latest single of that title peaked at #22 last week on the U.K. chart, and this week drops to #30.

Any sugar plum fairy visions the aging boy band had of patterning a Take That-style comeback might best be dashed from the 'Zone's heads at this point.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Hallelujah" - Alexandra Burke *new* *1 week*
2. "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley *new*
3. "Run" - Leona Lewis
4. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé
5. "Once Upon A Christmas Song" - Geraldine *new*
6. "Broken Strings" - James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado
7. "Use Somebody" - Kings Of Leon
8. "Listen" - Beyoncé
9. "Greatest Day" - Take That
10. "Womanizer'" - Britney Spears

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Friday, December 19, 2008

The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2008...And Then Some

Following last week's Worst Singles Of 2008 list, D'luv and MoogaBoo have teamed up once again to bring you Chart Rigger's fourth annual roundup of the year's best.

But after sifting through to find the cream of the crop, we discovered we had a few tasty leftovers. Therefore, since it's the season of giving and we're feeling generous, below are the 10 best, plus the best of the rest!

10. Ne-Yo, "Closer" (U.K. #1, U.S. #7, AUS #8)

MoogaBoo says: "Ne-Yo could really do no wrong this year. Well, except for when he ran over that homeless hooker, backed up over her again, cranked the volume on the car stereo which was playing 'Closer,' then sped off with her wig still stuck to the exhaust pipe. That was wrong."
D'luv says: "Mom?"

9. Coldplay, "Viva La Vida" (U.S. #1, U.K. #1, AUS #2)

D'luv says: "This decade's 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World.' No, really...!"
MoogaBoo says: "I prefer the Almighty remake, as recorded by Cinnamon featuring Alisha King, but I can't fault the guy who wrote it. Bravo, Coldplay."

8. Cyndi Lauper, "Into The Nightlife" (U.S. Dance #1)

MoogaBoo says: "America, you mean to tell me you liked Old Gristle Arms' rotten candy more than this synth-y Cyndi anthem? Fuck off, I'm moving to Beliz."
D'luv says: "I'd have actually given up beating off for a week for this to become a hit. I mean, thank God it didn't come to that, but, you know..."

7. Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown, "No Air" (U.S. #3, U.K. #3, AUS #1)

MoogaBoo says: "These two hambones really outdid themselves on a summery, feel-good duet. Even people under 40 liked it."
D'luv says: "I still maintain that three-fourths of Jordin Sparks' album is an underappreciated masterpiece. Eh? Which songs in particular do I mean? Hell if I know what they're called."

6. David Archuleta, "Crush" (U.S. #2, CAN #7)

MoogaBoo says: "Until he turns 21, loses all prospects and is forced to star in the HOT Channel event Tasty's First Teaze, this will do."
D'luv says: "Someday, when you're old enough, Archie, a big male stripper is gonna crush your head like a peanut between his thighs."

5. Katy Perry, "Hot N Cold" (U.S. #3, U.K. #4, AUS #4)

MoogaBoo says: "Yeah, she's annoying; also yeah, this song rocks and the video's a hoot."
D'luv says: "This Max Martin/Dr. Luke jam is the closest thing to Hi-NRG to land in the U.S. Top 5 in years. Okay, not really, but I think I want that phrase on my gravestone."

4. Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body" (U.S. #1, U.K. #5)

D'luv says: "Now that Mariah's utterly insane, I'm just so proud of her."
MoogaBoo says: "I love how shamelessly this goofball moos the word YooouTuuuube."

3. Kylie Minogue, "In My Arms" (GER #8, U.K. #10)

MoogaBoo says: "Calvin Harris' spiky production is as fuckable as he is. Oh, and Kylie's good, too. (Calvin, call me?)"
D'luv says: "See, it's all about wearing the right jacket in the video."

2. Rihanna, "Take A Bow" (U.S. #1, U.K. #1, CAN #1)

D'luv says: "Yeah, yeah...you all expect 'Disturbia' to be on here. But this is the true test-of-time champion out of Rihanna's 37 singles this year."
MoogaBoo says: "At once sassy and yet totally detached (but not as zombie-like as that sounds), Rihanna rode this mid-tempo jam straight to the center of my heart. Bonus points for sprinklers."

1. Chris Brown
, "Forever" (U.S. #2, CAN #2, U.K. #4)

D'luv says: "Wrigley's tie-in? Who gives a shit. Undeniable from the first listen. And that's how good pop should be."
MoogaBoo says: "When Chris Brown revealed the corporate adware behind his uplifting, state-of-the-dancefloor smash, I felt betrayed and raped. But in a good way. (Call me, Chris?)"


Best Remix That Didn't Make Us Want To Hang The DJ:
Alphabeat, "Boyfriend (Pete Hammond Mix)"

Best Diamond In A Sea Of Wank:
Santogold, "Lights Out"

Best Residuals Check In Vince Clarke's Pocket:
The Saturdays, "If This Is Love"

Best Excuse To Pretend You're Indie For Three Minutes, 49 Seconds:
MGMT, "Electric Feel"

Best Single To End An Artist's Career On:
Annie, "I Know Your Girlfriend Hates Me"

Best Follow-Up To A Subpar First Single Off An Album:
Britney Spears, "Circus"

Best Miley Cyrus-Adjacent Non-Miley Cyrus Jam:
Metro Station, "Shake It"

* Chart Rigger's Best Singles Of 2007
* Chart Rigger's Best Singles Of 2006
* Chart Rigger's Best Singles Of 2005

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Veronicas Have A U.S. Hit!

First off, Beyoncé is #1 on Billboard's Hot 100 with "Single Ladies"...again. I'm starting to think she and T.I. are playing some elaborate joke.

"What's that, you're getting tired up there? Here are a couple $100 bills, baby, go buy yourself something to eat and I'll take over for awhile."

Second of all, Beyoncé, T.I., Britney Spears and Kanye West each have two songs in the Top 10. What the F? Thank God for Katy Perry and Lady GaGa, I suppose.

Hey, let's watch Madtv's parody of Mariah Carey's "Heartbreaker"! (You gotta watch till the very end for the true payoff.)

Way down at #40, my girlfriends the Veronicas land their first U.S. Top 40 hit with "Untouched." I say they're my girlfriends because we spent a day hanging out together three years ago, talking about boys. Oh, yeah—we're tight. If you go hunting on here, you can see a pic of us chillin', doing things that BFFs do.

Yeah, I'm not re-posting that photo. I look like hell, and those bitches didn't have the courtesy to tell me so. That's why we're not friends anymore.

Oh, they still call. But, you know...I'm kind of too busy these days.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" - Beyoncé *2 weeks*
2. "Live Your Life" - T.I. feat. Rihanna
3. "Just Dance" - Lady GaGa feat. Colby O'Donis
4. "Circus" - Britney Spears
5. "Whatever You Like" - T.I.
6. "Womanizer" - Britney Spears
7. "Heartless" - Kanye West *airplay gainer*
8. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
9. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé
10. "Love Lockdown" - Kanye West

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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Girls Rule!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, retail-wise. This marks the first week in 2008 that all 10 albums in the uppier tier of Billboard's Top 200 sold more than 100,000 copies.

And the top three positions are dominated by pop's broads:

1. Taylor Swift, Fearless (248,800 copies)
2. Britney Spears, Circus (200,100)
3. Beyoncé, I Am...Sasha Fierce (159,200)

What's crazy is that in about two weeks time, Britney's Circus will have sold more copies in the U.S. than Blackout has since it came out in October 2007. Keep dancing, puppet!

Meanwhile, that above middle photo of B.S. is from Glamour magazine. Do you think it was purposely styled to make her look like she's in a straightjacket?

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Britney Spears And Ellen DeGeneres Maul A Bunch Of Christmas Songs Together

In a pre-taped segment that aired on today's Ellen DeGeneres show, Britney Spears and Ellen went Christmas caroling door-to-door in a Los Angeles neighborhood.

I have nothing cynical to say—this is just good, heart-warming television. Well, okay, they could both use a bit of Auto Tune. But, anyway...

Love the impromptu "Jingle Bell" rap at the end, plus all the "Who the hell are these nutjob broads?" looks on people's faces.

Good stuff.


Throwback: Urban Cookie Collective

It's been over a year since the proper "Throwback" series began here on Chart Rigger—kicking off with Cola Boy's "7 Ways To Love"—and over time it's drifted more toward me getting overly-sentinmental and whiny.

So it's time to get back to some fun! During my first year away at university ('94-'95), practically everyone on my residence hall floor came out of the closet. Well, not everyone, but at least a third of the 30+ students living there. We've all pinpointed it to the gay Kool-Aid in the water fountain at this point.

One of the guys, who lived across the hallway from me, went all out. Practically overnight, after his big, gay awakening, he hoisted up rainbow flags in his room and on his door, started wearing tight(er) T-shirts and, more importantly, bought two dance music compilations.

Actually, he bought a few more than that, but only two of them were good. One had Urban Cookie Collective's "The Key, The Secret" on it, a jam that reached #2 in the U.K. during summer 1993.

What is it about this song that never makes one tired of hearing it? Manchester, England-based Urban Cookie Collective threw all the elements of '90s Eurodance into the mix—uplifting melodies, hopeful lyrics, a wailing diva—but somehow they went above and beyond with "The Key, The Secret."

My college friend went on to make us all mix tapes with the classy title "Queer Beats." There was lots of 2 Unlimited on there. But I only listened to Urban Cookie Collective.

Here are the vids for "The Key, The Secret" and the group's follow-up single, the equally-ecstatic "Feels Like Heaven" (U.K. #5):

The Very Best Of Urban Cookie Collective is available from iTunes.

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Monday, December 15, 2008

Alexandra Burke: The Broad Who Won 'The X Factor' Releases 'Hallelujah' As First Single

You may recall that Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" proved to be a smashing success on American Idol early this year when it was performed by dreadlocked goon Jason Castro.

Never one to leave any water in a well, Simon Cowell decided to turn "Hallelujah" into dollar signs for his British show The X Factor. Alexandra Burke, who was crowned the winner of the reality show contest, tearfully performed the tune after her triumph, and sees "Hallelujah" released in the U.K. this week as her debut single.

She initially performed the Cohen classic as a duet* with Beyoncé during the final round of the series, much as Leon Jackson teamed up with Kylie Minogue at the end of last year's X Factor season.

So, basically, X Factor + "Hallelujah" x Christmas = $£$£$£$£$!!

Meanwhile, at a concert at London's 02 Arena Saturday night, Elton John announced that he'd rather have his "cock bitten off by an Alsatian" than perform on The X Factor. That said, he and Alexandra Burke are set to perform together on New Year's Eve.

Here's Burke doing "Hallelujah":

* apparently if I'd have paid more attention to wherever I skimmed this info over from, I'd have seen, as Dan points out, that they didn't perform "Hallelujah" together.

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Sunday, December 14, 2008

With Take That Still At #1, Robbie Williams Comes Crawling Out Of The Woodwork

On the U.K. album chart this week, Take That retain the #1 position with The Circus. And, naturally, this had to come sooner or later—Robbie Williams set off a wave of speculation a few days back when he was quoted as saying he'd be "over the moon" to rejoin his old TT bandmates.

"I'd like to think we'd be the only band in history to get together because of artistic differences," Robbie jokingly wrote on his website (which, it seems, you have to pay to gain access to).

But, oh, no...Robbie means business. He's apparently got a new Take That tattoo on his arm, to "honor" his onetime bandmate's recent success. In response, Britain's Telegraph published an article cheekily titled "Bands That Break Up Should Never Make Up."

Personally, I don't think Robbie Williams would be able to tone down his ego enough to be part of a band again, as Gary Barolow and Mark Owen—the That members who also tasted some solo success—were able to.

Williams initially quite the band in 1995, and the rest of Take That split up the following year, reforming a decade later to find and equal amount of success.

But as Mr. "Rock DJ" goes, that ego landed, and there's no getting it back onto the starship and sending it packing.

I dunno. What do you think?

Elsewhere, Same Difference's album drops from #22 to #36, which is kinda better than I thought it'd do. And this year's official Children In Need song, Terry Wogan and Aled Jones' (aka Bandaged) "Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth," enters the U.K. singles chart at #3.

It fares much better than the charity's 2007 single—Spice Girls' "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)"—which stalled at #11.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Run" - Leona Lewis *2 weeks*
2. "Use Somebody" - Kings Of Leon
3. "Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth" - Bandaged *new*
4. "Womanizer'" - Britney Spears
5. "Greatest Day" - Take That
6. "Right Now (Na Na Na)'" - Akon
7. "Human" - The Killers
8. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
9. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé
10. "Live Your Life" - T.I. Feat. Rihanna

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Friday, December 12, 2008

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2008

Tremble, record industry...tremble in terror! It's time once again for D'luv and MoogaBoo's annual roundup of the worst of what the music biz had to offer this year, as far as pop singles are concerned.

Like what you see? Or think we got it wrong? Yeah, well, kiss our butts.

10. Shontelle, "T-Shirt"

MoogaBoo says: "Hon, singing about Jimmy Choo shoes is like bragging that your boyfriend roughs you up in bed; it's tacky, inappropriate and makes everyone in the room uncomfortable."

9. Sugababes, "Girls"

D'luv says: "Mimicing Amy Winehouse when she's one syringe away from the dirt nap is pretty low-rent at this point. Especially when it's done as poorly as this non-song."

8. Beyoncé, "If I Were a Boy"

MoogaBoo says: "To paraphrase Jackie Washington, I don't know what 'If I Were a Boy' is about—some psychological boo-shit, I guess. Beyoncé's savvy enough to know that songs about smart stuff like gender politics can elevate a singing doll to the next level. But this drag is less convincing than her Etta James wig in Cadillac Records."

7. Vanessa Hudgens, "Sneaker Night"

D'luv says: "Best stick to tit shots on your Sidekick, luv."

6. Madonna & Justin Timberlake, "4 Minutes"

MoogaBoo says: "God, these two twats are boring."

5. Mariah Carey, "Bye Bye"

MoogaBoo says: "Mariah said c-ya to the Top Ten with this kitschy funeral dirge. Lucky for us, 'Bye Bye' arrived DOA at radio and was quickly interred."

4. Janet Jackson, "Feedback"

D'luv says: "Yeah, here's some feeback, baby: It's over."

3. Sam Sparro, "21st Century Life"

MoogaBoo says: "People accused Cyndi Lauper of looking like a try-hard in her 'Into the Night Life' video. But at least she didn't resemble an ad for Big Lots the day the shipment of Perez Hilton for Hot Topic arrived."

2. Kid Rock, "All Summer Long"

D'luv says: "Alright, enough with the pandering to mindless American idiots nostalgic for getting plastered in some bimbo's cornfield, already. Hopefully when Bush rolls out of the White House, he drags this hick back to Podunk, Texas with him."

1. Pussycat Dolls
, "When I Grow Up"

D'luv says: "See, girls (and David Archuleta), make sure you stay in school. Because this is what happens when washed-up strippers can't hack it anymore."

* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2007
* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2006

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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Didja Think Britney Spears Wasn't Up Here Selling Sex To You?

In honor of Britney Spears a.) debuting at #1 on the Billboard album chart with Circus after sales of 504,000+ copies, 2.) debuting at #3 on the Hot 100 Singles chart with the album's title track, and f.) having two back-to-back Top 10 hits off an album for the first time ever, let's watch this old trash from MADtv:

Damn, that brings a tear to my eye.

"Circus" gives Britney a total of seven Top 10 hits in the U.S. Incidentally, #3 is where "Gimme More" peaked at last year.

The Killers re-enter the Top 40—albeit at #40—with "Human." It had previously debuted/peaked at #32 earlier in the fall.

Back on the album chart, the Killer's Day & Age falls from #6 to #16, although it fares better than Guns N' Roses' colossal disappointment Chinese Democracy, which drops from #3 to #18.

But enough of this shit. Let's go watch that video again!

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Live Your Life" - T.I. feat. Rihanna *6 weeks*
2. "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" - Beyoncé
3. "Circus" - Britney Spears *new* *hot shot debut*
4. "Just Dance" - Lady GaGa feat. Colby O'Donis
5. "Whatever You Like" - T.I.
6. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé
7. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
8. "Love Lockdown" - Kanye West *sales gainer*
9. "Miss Independent" - Ne-Yo
10. "Womanizer" - Britney Spears

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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Britney Spears' 'Circus' Beats Sales Expectations

Above is the single cover for Britney Spears' "Circus."

The album of the same name had been projected to sell around 450,000 copies in its first week. However, B.S. is probably stuffing corn chips up her frappuccino ditch over the fact that Circus sold just over 504,000 to debut at #1 on the Billboard Top 200 Albums chart this week.

Meanwhile, PETA has come out shrieking over Brit's use of elephants in the video for "Circus." They released a statment saying the following:
"Britney may think her life is a circus, but for the animals who are whipped, chained, and beaten to perform under the real big top, the cruelty is very real. She may be headed for a comeback, but when it comes to animals, she still can't get her act together."
Damn, that's bitchy. Hire me, PETA!

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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Blur Have ReunitZzzzzzzzzzz

Damon Albarn, Graham Coxon and those other two guys who made up Blur are getting back together because they must all have high mortgage payments to do a special gig in London's Hyde Park on July 3. Whoop-de-doo.

Maybe they'll perform the Pet Shop Boys mix of "Girls & Boys," and it'll all be worth it. Speaking of which, here's the official cover art for Girls Aloud's "The Loving Kind" single (co-written by Pet Shop Boys and Xenomania):

Hmmm. That image is a bit blur-ry.

And here's the video for "Joseph, Better You Than Me," the Christmas charity single by The Killers, Elton John and Neil Tennant:

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Sunday, December 07, 2008

Take That: Triumph On Album Chart, Thwarted (Again) By Leona Lewis On Singles Chart

The big news in the U.K. this week is that Take That sold a big, firm, manly 432,000 copies of The Circus and then Gary, Howard and Jason pinned me down to debut at #1 on the Brit album chart. (It settles for #3 in Ireland.) The foursome knock The Killers' Day & Age off the top, while Britney Spears' Circus enters the LP tally at #4.

The Circus now ranks third in best first-week sales ever in Britain, coming in behind Oasis' 1997 album Be Here Now and Coldplay's X & Y (2005).

But while Leona Lewis' re-release of Spirit sits at #3 on the album chart, her cover of Snow Patrol's moody 2004 jam "Run" knocks Take That's "Greatest Day" off the top of the U.K. singles chart this week, thereby becoming her third #1 there.

I will cut that bitch. Two years ago, Leona's version of "A Moment Like This" ended Take That's four-week reign at the top with "Patience," thereby stealing the Christmas #1 from them.

Then last fall, her monster hit "Bleeding Love" cock-blocked the That's superb "Rule The World," keeping it stuck at #2 on the U.K. chart for a month.

Slut, your wig is gonna line Miss Pussy's cat bed.

Anyway, brother-sister duo Same Difference unceremoniously enter the album chart at #22 with Pop. They shoulda just gone full hog with the scandal factor to drum up sales, and started making out on live TV. Or maybe Simon Cowell could've taken an ad out in the Daily Mail with a photo of them on top of each other in bed, completely naked except for Santa hats.

Surely that kind of thing would at least be a hit in Cornwall?

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Run" - Leona Lewis *1 week*
2. "Greatest Day" - Take That
3. "Womanizer'" - Britney Spears
4. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
5. "Human" - The Killers
6. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé
7. "Live Your Life" - T.I. Feat. Rihanna
8. "Right Now (Na Na Na)'" - Akon
9. "The Boy Does Nothing'" - Alesha Dixon
10. "Use Somebody" - Kings Of Leon

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Saturday, December 06, 2008

It's Official (Sort Of): Take That's 'The Circus' Getting A U.S. Release

Take That's second album since reuniting in 2005 (sans Robbie Williams) was released in much of Europe this week, and is on track to break sales records by the final tallying of tomorrow's U.K. chart. On Tuesday it was reported that The Circus sold 133,000 copies in England on its first day alone, trumping Coldplay's first-day sales of 125,000 in June with Viva La Vida.

And yesterday Billboard posted an interview with Universal Music U.K. chairman/CEO David Joseph, who said, "We have a lot of interest in the music from our American partners."

When asked when a decision will be made on The Circus getting a release in the U.S., Joseph said, "In the next few months."

Billboard itself noted the following:
The Circus was released worldwide Dec. 1, except in France where it hits stores in February and the United States. Only the original lineup's swan song album, Nobody Else (Arista), received an official U.S. release, with sales of 287,000, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
Funny, I always remember seeing Take That And Party in my local record store back in the mid-'90s, but perhaps it was an import.

At any rate, Universal says the next few months. Sounds promising!