dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Hallelujah! 'The X Factor' Slides Down Your Chimney And F***s Your Christmas Once Again!

Right. To understand the whole "Hallelujah"/Alexandra Burke/Jeff Buckley nonsense, read this and this. Enjoy your new, totally unsurprising Christmas #1 single, United Kingdom.

What I'd like to know is how Geraldine McQueen's "Once Upon A Christmas Song" (written by Take That's Gary Barlow and Geraldine's alter ego, Peter Kay) didn't make it to the top. Of course, I'm still perplexed by how the Fast Food Rockers' "I Love Christmas" not only peaked at a dismal #25 five years ago, but dropped a piano from the top of a 12-story building onto the cheesy pop trio's career.

Watch "Once Upon A Christmas Song" and "I Love Christmas":

For us pop fans, "I Love Christmas" was a landmark defeat. A victory snatched from our warm hearts. A doom-laden pall of despair heaped upon the Christmas holiday like a dumptruck full of dead hookers backing over a small child on a tricycle, over and over and over again.

But we swore, never again! We'd come back and achieve glory! We'd ensure that pop would reclaim its rightful place at the top of the festive chart each year! And, wow-wow-WOW! Look how great we did!

Halle-fucking-lujah, Great Britain! You've got The X Factor!

Things could always be worse, however—or in Boyzone's case, "Better." Their latest single of that title peaked at #22 last week on the U.K. chart, and this week drops to #30.

Any sugar plum fairy visions the aging boy band had of patterning a Take That-style comeback might best be dashed from the 'Zone's heads at this point.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Hallelujah" - Alexandra Burke *new* *1 week*
2. "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley *new*
3. "Run" - Leona Lewis
4. "If I Were A Boy" - Beyoncé
5. "Once Upon A Christmas Song" - Geraldine *new*
6. "Broken Strings" - James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado
7. "Use Somebody" - Kings Of Leon
8. "Listen" - Beyoncé
9. "Greatest Day" - Take That
10. "Womanizer'" - Britney Spears

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