dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2008

Tremble, record industry...tremble in terror! It's time once again for D'luv and MoogaBoo's annual roundup of the worst of what the music biz had to offer this year, as far as pop singles are concerned.

Like what you see? Or think we got it wrong? Yeah, well, kiss our butts.

10. Shontelle, "T-Shirt"

MoogaBoo says: "Hon, singing about Jimmy Choo shoes is like bragging that your boyfriend roughs you up in bed; it's tacky, inappropriate and makes everyone in the room uncomfortable."

9. Sugababes, "Girls"

D'luv says: "Mimicing Amy Winehouse when she's one syringe away from the dirt nap is pretty low-rent at this point. Especially when it's done as poorly as this non-song."

8. Beyoncé, "If I Were a Boy"

MoogaBoo says: "To paraphrase Jackie Washington, I don't know what 'If I Were a Boy' is about—some psychological boo-shit, I guess. Beyoncé's savvy enough to know that songs about smart stuff like gender politics can elevate a singing doll to the next level. But this drag is less convincing than her Etta James wig in Cadillac Records."

7. Vanessa Hudgens, "Sneaker Night"

D'luv says: "Best stick to tit shots on your Sidekick, luv."

6. Madonna & Justin Timberlake, "4 Minutes"

MoogaBoo says: "God, these two twats are boring."

5. Mariah Carey, "Bye Bye"

MoogaBoo says: "Mariah said c-ya to the Top Ten with this kitschy funeral dirge. Lucky for us, 'Bye Bye' arrived DOA at radio and was quickly interred."

4. Janet Jackson, "Feedback"

D'luv says: "Yeah, here's some feeback, baby: It's over."

3. Sam Sparro, "21st Century Life"

MoogaBoo says: "People accused Cyndi Lauper of looking like a try-hard in her 'Into the Night Life' video. But at least she didn't resemble an ad for Big Lots the day the shipment of Perez Hilton for Hot Topic arrived."

2. Kid Rock, "All Summer Long"

D'luv says: "Alright, enough with the pandering to mindless American idiots nostalgic for getting plastered in some bimbo's cornfield, already. Hopefully when Bush rolls out of the White House, he drags this hick back to Podunk, Texas with him."

1. Pussycat Dolls
, "When I Grow Up"

D'luv says: "See, girls (and David Archuleta), make sure you stay in school. Because this is what happens when washed-up strippers can't hack it anymore."

* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2007
* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2006

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  • At 3:13 AM, Blogger Paul said…

    how i love your worst lists! Brilliant! I howled over the vanhudj comment! hahahahaha. It would be remiss of me if i didn't stick up for Girls though - perhaps i like it because it plays over a far too cheesy festive advertisement here?! And one of your worst songs makes one of my best lists! Oh no! still the rest are spot on! aces. Bring on the albums!

    PS i swear to god my word verification is minge! Brilliant

  • At 9:34 AM, Blogger John said…

    "T-shirt" should have been a lot higher on the list, but why encourage her. Is Sam on there simply because of the video, though? The top 2 are dead on.

  • At 10:53 AM, Blogger Thnairg said…

    You'll find little argument from me with that list -- mostly 'cause I can't stand and totally ignore all those "pop tarts" anyway -- except for good ol' Sam. "21st Century Life" is one of my fave songs from his album ... but your comments seemed to be about the video anyway, which I've never seen (and it sounds/looks like I'm not missing much).

    Let's face it, though ... with all the crap littering the pop world, it's easy-peezy to do a Ten Worst list ... I'm much more curious about your Ten Best, D'!


    P.S.: What's a "voyeest" (besides my verification word)?

  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger MrBrady said…

    Wow - look how our tastes have divided over the years - personally "4 Minutes", "Feedback" and "When I Grow Up" will all be gracing my top 10 BEST of 2008!

    Have to agree on "Girls" - not sure what the Sugababes management were thinking. "No Can Do" isn't much better but the remixes are hot.

  • At 12:25 PM, Anonymous My Name Is Dita said…

    What? Where's the worst song of the year?

    Where are those 2 brosis twats, Same Difference? "We R One" is utter shit.

  • At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    who knew sam sparrow looked like such a pink flamingo.

  • At 12:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Okay..I agree with some of the singles. T-Shirt is the WORST song ever and so is that Beyonce song. However, I LUV When I Grow Up! How can that be number 1??

  • At 12:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    When I grow up is definitely the worst song ever. I always think they say they want to have boobies instead of groupies....which would make the song slightly better...but alas...they say groupies and it's still terrible.

  • At 1:01 PM, Blogger xolondon said…

    Love it when you are a c*nt!

    I take umbrage (age age age) at the inclusion 21st Century Life. It is hot, despite the pooh-laden homemade video. Poor Sam, he really ended up in the one-hit wonder bin. That said, he has a great voice and very big... teeth... so maybe he'll get another shot.

  • At 1:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree with everything in that list doll... except for Beyonce. I find it oddly appealing and Tina Turner-esqe

  • At 2:01 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    First off, great title. That line has always bugged me in "4 Minutes."

    It has been a bit of a crap year for music, and while I don't know all these songs, the ones I do know I would agree are pretty bad. With the exception of Sam Sparro.

  • At 3:20 PM, Blogger Joshua said…


    I LOVE T-Shirt :( and Feedback was a pretty sick dance/pop song, right? Right????

    I pretty much agree with everything else though - When Madonna goes "tick tock tick tock tick tock" in 4 Minutes, I want to squeeze a vein in her bicep until it pops! UGH

    And poor Mimi - Bye Bye was an ironic title - I guess she was really expecting a One Sweet Day X We Belong Together to the third power type of success.

  • At 4:48 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    I don't think I properly hate most of these songs, but at least a few were underwhelming for me, compared to what I wanted them to be like, the other single options, or the artist's previous work.

    I still love "Side Effects" from Mariah's album.

  • At 7:10 PM, Blogger Richard the Big Bunny said…

    No argument here -- except FEEDBACK, which I sort of like, I suppose.

    I love Sugababes but I more or less ignored GIRLS. Their new single ('No Can Do') is *hot* though. It seems I only like one out of three of their singles anyway. It's very hit-&-miss.

  • At 10:33 PM, Blogger Mike said…

    I totally agree with the inclusion of Sam Sparro who is the most over-hyped/underwhelming poofter to emerge from Australia since the great waste of space that is Darren Hayes.

    I love the Beyonce song and Girls is one of the very few Sugabland singles I actually like.

    Where the hell is Britney? "Womanizer" would top my worst of list hands down.

  • At 6:07 AM, Blogger Phil said…

    Kid Rock looks like the kind of numpty who would wipe his dick on the duvet afterwards - and then sing some hokey song about how good he was... back in the early 90s. I HATE that track for being played all facking summer long.

    I quite liked Feedback though, especially those boom boom mixes...

  • At 5:34 PM, Blogger michael said…

    What about the best?

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