dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Lady GaGa Again Spanks Madonna While Flo Rida And Kesha Beat The Saturdays To #1

Like Peter Cushing prying open a creaky wooden coffin in a dank cavern and smashing a wooden stake through Christopher Lee's rotting, 700-year-old chest, pop's gallant hero Lady GaGa continues to erase any need for Ye Olde Vampyre Madonna.

This time the feat comes in the U.K., where Lady GaGa is at #3 with "Poker Face." Earlier in the week, GaGa moved up to #3 on Billboard's Hot 100 here in the States, as well.

But perhaps the most surprising upset comes from Flo Rida and Kesha's "Right Round," which knocked the week's assumed champ—"Just Can't Get Enough" by the Saturdays—out of the way to clip the #1 position.

All of England's kiddies must've read Chart Rigger's "10 Reasons Why Kesha Needs To Be Your New Favorite Singer" list and taken to iTunes! Listen to teacher, children.

And surely Pete Burns is somewhere silently screaming, now that his song "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" that he claims he can't stand anymore is back at the top of the British charts (albeit in a completely modernized version). If only he'd held out just a couple years longer before selling the publishing rights...

Meanwhile, WTF, Take That? Missing the Top 10 altogether and sticking at #14? Of the band's six British singles released since their 2005 reunion, this marks the second to miss the U.K. Top 10—the first being "I'd Wait For Life," which made #17 in June 2007.

Perhaps since so many people have bought Take That's album, there's no need to pay for the single. Although, there is the Jason Orange-featuring b-side "84"... What, not enticing enough for you picky bastards?

On the album chart, U2's No Line On The Horizon becomes the Irish band's 10th U.K. chart topper, tying them with Madonna and the Rolling Stones in third place for the most #1 LPs (behind Elvis Presley and the Beatles).

Though much is being made in the press of the actual low sales figures for the album. Blame it on "Get On Your Boots."

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Right Round" - Flo Rida feat. Kesha *1 week*
2. "Just Can't Get Enough" - The Saturdays *new*
"Poker Face" - Lady GaGa
4. "My Life Would Suck Without You" - Kelly Clarkson
5. "Love Story'" - Taylor Swift
6. "Dead And Gone" - T.I. feat. Justin Timberlake
7. "The Fear" - Lily Allen
8. "Just Dance" - Lady GaGa feat. Colby Adonis
9. "T-Shirt" - Shontelle
10. "Use Somebody" - Kings Of Leon

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  • At 5:17 PM, Blogger John said…

    That is not a flattering pic of Mr Barlow. Makes him look like he's about to jump the counter at Krispy Kreme for a fresh donut on his way to the Eagle.

  • At 5:43 PM, Blogger xolondon said…

    I am going to bite off Gaga's secret disco stick and chase you around with it Dluv. Trying to provoke me in this manner is dangerous!

  • At 6:14 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    John, and doesn't every major city have an Eagle? Let me know if you see Gary in yours!

    XO, I have holy water around my neck, which will scald you and melt Madge, you demon!

  • At 6:53 PM, Anonymous shel said…

    Sweetie, please tell me you never went to the Eagle. There are dangerous accessories and bare asscheeks in there.

  • At 8:25 PM, Blogger 17days said…

    wait a minute... it's a bit rich to be comparing Lady Gaga to Madonna. she's less than a year in to her career. Poker Face is good but it's got NOTHING on about 30 of Madonna's singles.

    come on, lady. stop with the blah blah over Gaga. its a bit early for that.

  • At 10:26 PM, Anonymous Fuckloads Of Diamonds said…

    Everyone knows Madonna is 10% plastic surgery nightmare and 90% dusty, dry old puxxy by this point.

    Oh, and her "music" career is over for good.

    Viva Lady Gaga!!

  • At 12:10 AM, Blogger xolondon said…

    I'd just like to say that when the teams square off in the Great Battle Of End Times, I'll choose Madonna. She's a fucking bitch and the only left of Joanne La Gaga will be some strands of white Barbie hair and a maxi pad.

  • At 12:14 AM, Anonymous shaun said…

    Love Gaga, but, yeah, dried up or not, Madge will always be my girl.
    Having said that, love the Hammer Horror ref, D'Luv...I never thought I'd see pop and Hammer mix after Kate Bush's somewhat confusing attempt at conflating the two years ago (that's not a knock at Kate, though--LOVE HER)!

  • At 12:28 AM, Blogger Mike said…

    Good riddance, Vadge!

  • At 1:38 AM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Shaun, I was practically raised on Hammer films! I have a warm place in my heart for the really bad ones like The Reptile and Plague Of The Zombies. They used to be on all day on Saturdays when I was a kid, on one of the local independent Pittsburgh channels. I still gotta Netflix The Devil Rides Out, which I've never seen and is apparently the greatest Hammer film ever. Were you a reader when I got all mythological on Kate Nash and Lily Allen and compared them to an eight-headed Hydra? That was some good shit...

    XO, LOL!! Lady GG will have Mike, Fuckloads of Diamonds and I there to kick Tradge in the balls!

    17 Days, just dance!!

    Shel, now you're just making me nostalgic for junior high.

  • At 2:17 AM, Blogger Paul said…

    sigh. we'll see where Blahblah and her generic brand of pilfering get her in 5 years let alone 30. Though Hard Candy was only 52.% scientifically ok. Anyway, poor Saturdays. Though their non JCGE featuring album did shoot back up the charts, and yes Take That's album is once again in the top ten. Gary Barlow climbed some mountainous natural erection this week for charity and is now a-riding it's peak. Lovely thought.

    :O My word verif is sullag!

  • At 11:55 AM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    The top part of that list would make for some pretty great listening.

  • At 2:24 PM, Anonymous A Weapon Of Massive Consumption said…

    You know what would make for great listening?

    Madge in a woodchipper, the digifunky 12" remix!

  • At 8:10 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    Madonna is 4eva, and you are nothing but a has-been queen with a wooden leg and three teef. I hate u :.!!

    Also, Mariah Carey.

  • At 10:16 PM, Anonymous paul said…

    Statistics taken from the Official NGDA Diva Rankings 2009:

    1. Madonna
    2. Cher
    3. Diana
    4. Whitney
    5. Britney


    10. Kylie
    11. Xtina
    12. Donna


    23. Shakira
    24. Beyonce
    25. Rihanna


    72. Bette
    73. Avril


    138. Alanis
    139. Mya


    2753. Blu Cantrell
    2754. the old lady from the wedding singer


    11,391. Urkel
    11,392. Lady Caca

  • At 10:43 PM, Anonymous Fuckloads Of Diamonds said…

    Who the fuck did Blu Cantrell blow to get all the way up to 2753?

    Oh, and Madge apparently needs to stop fucking for tracks based on the quality of her, ahem, output.

    Madge will be lucky to book a State Fair in five years, but at least she'll always win a blue ribbon...in whore.

  • At 6:00 PM, Blogger John said…

    Did these Diva ratings come from a Seniors tour bus leaving Vegas?

  • At 6:04 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    HAHAHAHA. this is amazing

  • At 10:48 PM, Anonymous paul said…

    It was Atlantic City, actually. I'm pretty sure Caca didn't make the Vegas list.

  • At 2:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    RESPECT Madonna. Queen. Everyone else is a lady in waiting and pathetic for trying to 'pretend' to be the Queen without earning royalty.

  • At 5:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The charity 'Raising Malawi' (PR firm) founded by Madonna AND TWO OTHERS in '06' held fund raisers for over two years before finally getting registered as a non-profit. In other words, Madonna and the others were free to squander that funding any way they saw fit for those first two years. In fact, they still havn't accounted for the 3.7 million raised from a single event in the fall of '07' (The grand opening of a Gucci flagship store in Manhattan.). She also pleaded with her fans worldwide for donations along the way. In the meantime, she toured the world to promote her latest CD and raked in another $280,000,000 gross in just over 12 months. To date, the basic financial info for 'Raising Malawi' still hasn't been posted on the website or anywhere else. The 'progress' page only tells of the collective works by over 20 seperate charities. Each of which have their own sources of funding and may have recieved some sort of promotion or support from 'Raising Malawi' in order to be considered 'partners'. But no indication is made how much of their funding came from 'Raising Malawi' or how much of their progress if any could be directly attributed to 'Raising Malawi'. The fans/donors have no clue how many millions of dollars were raised in that first two years, no clue how much Madonna herself chipped in, and no clue how the money was spent before they finally registered as a non-profit. No clue what fraction of funding or works listed on that 'progress' page could be directly attributed to 'Raising Malawi'. Nothing to go on but the vague and misleading word of Madonna. For example: She states in her latest promotional video that she will match any contributions made to her charity (PR firm) "dollar for dollar". However, there is a disclaimer posted on the website for 'Raising Malawi' that Madonna's total contribution will not exceed $100,000. Thats not per donation. Thats a maximum of $100,000 TOTAL. Less than a single days pay for Madonna. Also much less then she will surely rake in by promoting her own CDs, DVDs, and 'for profit' merchandise through this massive worldwide publicity stunt. So I called the office of 'Raising Malawi' in an attempt to verify some sort of efficient financial operation (310) 867-2881 or (888) 72-DONOR). These details are ALWAYS made available by legitimate charities. But not in this case. I got nothing but recorded messages and hangups. So I did some research on my own. 'Raising Malawi' still hasn't been given any kind of rating by ANY independent charity watchdog like Charitywatch.org. The vast overwhelming majority of 'celebrity' foundations never are. In general, they are inneficient and riddled with corruption. Like the promotion of CDs, world tours, commercial websites, entire lines of jewelry (not just the single piece from which proceeds are donated), and high end retail flagship stores. Its far less expensive to promote your image and product with a contribution to your own charity (PR firm) than it is to buy commercial airtime worldwide. This is why its become such a trend. Celebrity foundations are also notorious for squandering much of their funding on private jet rides and super high end accomodations for their managers, PR crews, and celebrity figure heads. Its legal even for a nonprofit but not noble or efficient by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, non-profits are not actually required by law to be efficient. This is why the independent rating is so important. In general, 'celebrity' foundations never even get one. They are a twisted inefficient mutant of charity, self-promotion, exotic travel, and PR crap. Still, they compete for funding with more efficient legitimate charities. The celebrity figure heads often disregard the primary donors, co-founders, and managers, take personal credit for any collective work done, and seek maximum publicity shortly before or after the release of their own commercial projects. Its a sham. So if its not rated, then don't support it. Instead, support a top rated charity like any of those given high ratings at Charitywatch.org.

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