dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Like A Rash On An Old Stripper's Ass, Madonna And Whitney Houston Return To The Charts

This week sees the grand old broads of pop, Madonna and Whitney Houston, take a crack at pop chart hitdom a quarter century after they both slinked onto the scene.

In the case of Madge, she debuts at #71 on the Billboard Hot 100 with "Celebration," the title track from her upcoming third greatest hits collection. (And if you've not yet read the Madonna banterview that went up this week, what the F are you waiting for?)

At the moment, based on how "Celebration" has slid down the iTunes daily downloads chart like a rickety old hooker falling on her knees to gum junior's Twix bar, it would seem there's no hope of the single climbing any higher. But then again, we've yet to endure the arrival of the song's music video.

And then their Whitxxxey, who's "I Look To You" enters the Hot 100 at #74. I already gave a review of her upcoming album—which, kiddies, is only two-and-a-half weeks away from release—so I'm not extending my fingers by typing any more about this snooze-inducing trash track at this point.

This brings us to Kelly Clarkson's "Already Gone," which got a tad filleted by yours truly and the Pop Panel over at Pop Trash Addicts this week. After initially peaking at #70 awhile back, the supposed "Halo" knockoff re-enters the Hot 100 at #89.

But praise the almighty—or at least the Disney Channel—since next week could very well see the reign of the Black Eyed Peas end at the top of the chart once Miley Cyrus' surging sales for new single "Party In The U.S.A." are tallied up.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "I Gotta Feeling" - The Black Eyed Peas *7 weeks*
2. "You Belong With Me" - Taylor Swift
3. "Best I Ever Had" - Drake
4. "Knock You Down" - Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo
5. "Use Somebody" - Kings Of Leon
6. "Down" - Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne
7. "Good Girls Go Bad" - Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester
8. "Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
9. "Hotel Room Service" - Pitbull
10. "Boom Boom Pow" - The Black Eyed Peas

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  • At 12:36 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    I think that the sooner Madonna fans (and I definitely include myself in this blanket statement) come to terms with the fact that Madonna will NOT chart like she did in her glory days again (barring a "Believe"-like anomaly or a Justin Timeberlake guest vocal) the better off they will all be.

    I feel like too much effort goes into analyzing the minutiae of her potential charting and praying to the Almighty with incredible fervor that she will have another number one hit. I just don't see it happening. Times have changed - this isn't the 80s (or even the 90s) anymore.

    I think it's time to view Madonna kind of like Debbie Harry - let's just enjoy the music she puts out and be glad that she's still recording new music, regardless of how well it does on the charts. She's not going anywhere (although many wish she would!)

  • At 7:15 PM, Blogger JimmyD said…

    Sorry Dan, I can't put Madonna in the same class as Debbie Harry.
    I'm not slamming Madonna, like I love to do, but I think of Debbie Harry as a pioneer and true musical artist while Madonna is more of a pop spectacle... which is not a bad thing.

  • At 9:39 PM, Blogger Mike said…

    I'm excited to see Whitney back on the charts but they can't expect much seeing as the song was given away for free on her website! I guess this is more of a taster thing, while "Million Dollar Bill" will be the real comeback?

  • At 11:45 PM, Anonymous How Will I Blow? said…

    Whitney's on...the charts? No, dear, you mean the white powder.

  • At 11:48 PM, Anonymous KooKoo said…

    Nice analysis of Debbie vs. 'Donna, Dan.

    I'd like it if Taylor Swift managed to slip through to #1 at some point--it happens so rarely for country crossovers and she deserves it.

    That and a glow-in-the-dark rabbit.

  • At 12:08 AM, Anonymous Golda Meir's Handbag said…

    I fucking LOVE "Party In The U.S.A."!!

    Yeaaaahhhh!! Take THAT, global diplomacy! Put your hands up!

  • At 10:05 AM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Dan, Jimmy and Mike all raise good points. Alas, they pale in comparison to the wisdom of How Will I Blow?


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