dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2009

So last year it was down to Chris Brown's "Forever" and Rihanna's "Take A Bow" for the top pop single of 2008, and we went with fine upstanding gentleman and role model Brown. Sigh.

Ah, well. as 2009 comes to a close, so does this decade. Chart Rigger's trusty sidekick Moogaboo and I already counted down the 40 Best Pop Singles Of The '00s last month. And yesterday we brought you the 10 Worst Singles Of 2009. Now it's time to round up the noteworthy jams that provided a few bright spots in an otherwise lackluster year when Taylor Swift, the Black Eyed Peas and Susan Boyle were considered hot commodities.

10. Owl City, "Fireflies" (U.S. #1, DEN #1, CAN #2)

Moogaboo says: "This twee bastard won me over the first time I heard him and, y'now what? Whatever. I'd do him on his messy bed covered with laptops and Casios and other crap."
D'luv says: "Who cares if Owl City ends up being the White Town of the '00s? I mean, 'Your Woman' is still a total jam!"

9. Miley Cyrus, "Party In The U.S.A." (U.S. #2, CAN #3, AUS #6)

D'luv says: "America has a new horse-toothed diva to add to its songbook. They should make kids in school across the nation chant this while they tear out pages of the Bible to make paper airplanes each morning."
Moogaboo says: "There's a synth sound in the chorus that kind of goes "ZIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" that makes me lightheaded (in the best way) everytime I hear it. "

8. Shakira, "She Wolf" (SPAIN #2, U.K. #4, U.S. #11)

Moogaboo says: "Leotards? Check. Swoopy strings? Check. Number one on any and all charts? No, and for that I lament modern life as a whole."
D'luv says: "That guy from the Bravery co-wrote this. Yeah, he shoulda just gone straight into the 'writing songs for Shakira' business from the get-go."

7. Pet Shop Boys, "Love etc." (U.S. Dance #1, GER #12, U.K. #14)

D'luv says: "The best reinvention of the Pet Shop Boys sound the British duo have staged since Very."
Moogaboo says: "Just when these old vampyres were starting to get boring (Battleship Potemkin? REALLY?) they inject a little frothy electro-pop back into their repertoire to make me love them again. Extra points for the trippy, Nintendo-esque video."

6. Girls Aloud, "The Loving Kind" (U.K. #10)

Moogaboo says: "I was taken aback when I read on another site that one of the members of Girls Aloud (Cipher #3?) shamelessly ripped their classiest ditty to filth over the summer, even going so far as to mock its chorus. And though I love 'The Loving Kind' for all of its sophisticated and bouncy heartbreak,that incident helped me make sense of the rest of their chintzy back catalog."
D'luv says: "I wonder how she'll feel about the song when she's miming it solo at a Gay Pride in Wales three years from now and getting paid in chicken kebabs?"

5. Kelly Clarkson, "My Life Would Suck Without You" (U.S. #1, U.K. #1)

Moogaboo says: "Let's face it, Kelly lost all semblance of me caring when she did that crummy video with Reba. Okay, I actually loved that, but it doesn't stop her from coming in at #5 on this, our Worst of 2009 chart. Oh wait, this is the BEST? Whatever, same thing when it comes to Clarkson."
D'luv says: "Isn't Moogaboo a good sport, folks? Memo to Kelly—next album: Sweden, Max Martin, Dr. Luke, period."

4. Saint Etienne, "Method Of Modern Love" (U.K. #56)

D'luv says: "Still as magical today as it was when the first short clip of it surfaced last December. That it didn't at least crack the U.K. Top 40 is one of the major pop crimes of this waning decade."
Moogaboo says: "The dolls need to stay on the Overproduced Express and put out more stuff like this. Even though it was only a hit in my mind, and most of the "hardcore fans" (VOMIT) were over it, I think it's got a cast-iron hook, sterling synths and borrows one of the best woah-ohs of all time from the Carpenters. Carry on, Etiennes!"

3. Annie, "Anthonio"

D'luv says: "The haunting remorse of a one night stand perfectly filtered through a chugging three-minute electo-pop song—and our second Richard X-produced tune in a row on this list!"
Moogaboo says: "Saint Annie made the greatest Flirts single that never was, and she didn't even have to get pawed by Bobby O to do it. Although, really, how great would that have been?"

2. Lily Allen, "The Fear" (U.K. #1, AUS #3, U.S. #80)

Moogaboo says: "Lily's finally realized obnoxious personality + good songs = obnoxious parts not so bad. 'The Fear' is both scathing and sympathetic, and a hell of a tune. Take note, Robbie Williams."
D'luv says: "The first song of hers I didn't wanted to strangle her after hearing! 'I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds'—did Lily somehow read my college entrance essay?"

1. Lady Gaga, "Poker Face" (U.S. #1, U.K. #1, GER #1, AUS #1)

Moogaboo says: "Lady, you wrote one hell of a hook, stole another one from Boney M, and basically made it so every gay west of Beijing pees himself twice at the drop of one of your goofy-ass hats. Love you. And P.S., because of you, even Alicia Keys is into goofy-ass hats now. Thanks."
D'luv says: "'Poker Face' proved to be the perfect recessionista anthem and the only good pop song to mention Russian Roulette this year."

* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Top 40 Pop Singles Of The '00s
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2008
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2007
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2006
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2005

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  • At 2:13 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    An interest Top 10.... but really.. Miley Cyrus? Owl City??? :*(

  • At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Danny Flan said…

    Amen! All hail the majesty of 'Poker Face'

  • At 3:23 PM, Blogger Poster Girl said…

    I'd chop at least one song out of this list and also disqualify "Poker Face" as an '08 song (though who can really tell anymore what with no physical singles here?), but otherwise, j'adore this list. At least three songs that have a very solid chance of making my top 10 and I adore the rest as well. Also, ditto on the disappointment at Nicola's comment about "The Loving Kind."

    Fantastic job.

  • At 5:04 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    Great list - we have one overlapping song (guess which one?)

    And Owl City nearly made my list, but was ultimately bumped out.

  • At 5:39 PM, Anonymous Destiny Hope said…

    I say "Party in the USA" should replace the "Star-Spangled Banner" as our national anthem.

    Who wouldn't want to hear "And a Britney song was ONNNN!" with every US Olympic win?!

    Thank you, Miley, for finally giving us Americans a reason to be proud of our country once again.

    Is that a bald eagle wearing hooker shortz? No, it's Lady Liberty...and she's pole-dancing...for freedom!!

    God bless you, Miley Cyrus, from sea to shining sea!

  • At 7:30 PM, Blogger Mike said…

    Girls A-fucking-Loud? Lily 'people illegally downloaded my album so I'm retiring' Allen? Annie's reed thin vocals over another lazy Richard X production? Kelly 'we know who ate the donuts' Clarkson? No, no, no and no!

    A loud YES however to Shakira and Lady GaGa!

  • At 10:28 PM, Blogger Moogaboo said…

    Mike, I have to disagree -- anyone could have eaten those donuts, especially if Gary Barlow was around. The fact that Kelly was heard from behind the craft services table muttering "NOM NOM NOM" and later emerged with jelly on her top does not implicate her in the least.

  • At 11:06 PM, Anonymous She-Flop said…

    Yes, and Shakira obviously was jamming the donuts up her ladywolf--all those calisthenics in the vid were most likely her discomfort as a yeast infection set in.


  • At 11:20 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Poster Girl, to address your point about "Poker Face" being a 2008 single, we actually set the rules to be any song that hit its peak on the charts in 2009.

    Joshua, YES, Owl City. You're just cheezed off there's no MC ;)

    Dan, PSB?

    Mike, "My Ass" came this close to making it. If only we'd done the Top 11 Songs....

    She-Flop, donuts. Jam. MMmmmm. Must go eat Shakira's taco.

    Destiny Hope, dying, DYING here. Too funny.

    DF, hail to the cheese!

  • At 3:05 AM, Blogger hun*ter said…

    "Poker Face" was No. 1 on my list too. Not a fan of Owl City or the artist formerly known as Hannah Montana, but I love reading all your end of the year lists.

  • At 8:03 AM, Blogger Paul said…

    Ooo i'm down (oh dear) with every single song on this list, because they are all rather good. yes even Poker Face (sigh). I love how Miley works in new artists into Party every time she performs it - check out her Royal Variety Performance of the song on youtube for some GAGA/Jackson refs and alarming associated dance moves. quite clever though...

  • At 6:05 AM, Blogger Luciano said…

    Just a note: the decade doesn't close at the end of 2009, we still have one more year to go.
    Considering that the very first year was YEAR 1 (and not YEAR 0), years ending in 9 are just the 9th year of a decade. Decades close in years ending in 0 (just like the 21st century only started in Jan 1st 2001).

  • At 10:13 AM, Blogger Mr. Will-W. said…

    interesting and honest choices. a little surprise re: bad romance not being there? happy holidays!

  • At 12:30 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Luciano, well then I guess it's a good thing we called our other list the Top 40 Singles Of The '00s, and not of the decade, then ;)

  • At 9:44 PM, Blogger rcLoy said…

    Poker Face is ACE! :)
    Love The Fear and Girls Aloud's The Loving Kind too even though others might prefer The Promise more.

  • At 5:36 PM, Blogger Gareth said…

    the fear was my #2, and it was a toss up between bad romance and poker face for #1, other than that only PSB, Saint Etienne and Girls Aloud actually made a mark on me. Glad that Black Eyed Peas didn't make it.

  • At 11:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    wow someone has some shitty taste in music. there were way better songs than that last year. seriosly!

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