dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

"We Are The World" Would Have Debuted At #1 If Heidi Montag Had Been Given A Solo

The big news on this week's Billboard Hot 100 is that the "We Are The World" remake by Artists For Haiti—i.e. every highly relevant pop figure on the planet except for Heidi Montag, Lady Gaga, Heidi Montag, Britney Spears, Heidi Montag, Beyonce, Heidi Montag, Jay-Z and Heidi Montag—debuts at #2, after two-day sales of over 260,000 digital copies. (The single was added to iTunes last Friday, and Billboard's cut-off for adding up chart data is Sunday.)

To protest this glaring omission and gross misjudgment made by Quincy Jones, here's a brand new jam from Heidi called "Trash Me":


Stunning. It sounds like the classiest moments of Britney's "If U Seek Amy" and Gwen Stefani's "The Sweet Escape" were put on a USB that was jammed up Heidi's robot ditch while she belted out her stirring, soulful powerhouse vocals in the studio. Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

Elsewhere, Lady Gaga and Beyonce's "Telephone" is up one to #15, The Script jump from #40 to #28 with "Breakeven," Adam Lambert climbs to #31 with "Whataya Want From Me" and Sade fly up from #80 to #52 with "Soldier Of Love."

Speaking of Sade, the band's full Soldier Of Love LP—its first one in ten years—debuts at #1 on the Top 200 Albums chart after selling 502,000 copies. And, really, I never get tired of lead singer Sade Adu's voice. It's almost as good as Heidi Montag's.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "TiK ToK" - Ke$ha *9 weeks*
2. "We Are The World 25 For Haiti" - Artists For Haiti *new*
3. "Imma Be" - The Black Eyed Peas
4. "Bedrock" - Young Money feat. Lloyd
5. "Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga
6. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
7. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
8. "How Low" - Ludacris
9. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
10. "Sexy Chick" - David Guetta feat. Akon

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7 Comments:

  • At 9:28 PM, Blogger Jump! said…

    WHy is heidi covering an old jessie Malakouti jam from 2 years ago? It was even featured on the hills!

     
  • At 10:56 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Forget that, Jump! Why isn't she covering Julie Andrews? The *Hills* are alive, with the sound of botox! (ahhhh ahhhh ahhhhhh *retch*)

     
  • At 7:20 AM, Anonymous shaun said…

    Okay, If Tra$ha spends more weeks at #1 than B did with "Irreplaceable" and/or that fucking Train song doesn't drop out of the Top 10, I will have to declare yet again that there is NO god! Happy to see Lady Antebellum remaining in the top 10 -- that's a pretty great country-pop song, and that Charles Kelley, to borrow D'luv's term, is quite boinkable!

     
  • At 6:17 PM, Anonymous Heidi Montag's Hillzzz said…

    We will never stop, bop shi bop.

    (threatening voice)

    WE WILL NEVER STOP.

    BOP.

    SHI.

    BOP.

     
  • At 8:38 AM, Blogger Adem With An E said…

    In recent weeks I have become quite obsessed with the musical output of La Montag.

    D'luv, don't you think Heidi and Cascada need to team up IMMEDIATELY, if not sooner?

     
  • At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Aaron said…

    Surely, the guy is totally just.
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  • At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Dylan said…

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