dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Chart Rigger's Greatest Hits: The Bitchiest Reader Comments, Volume 2

Between the passion of the Glamazons and a few fiery diatribes that came in when I expressed my disinterest in the new Scissor Sisters video, I figured it was time again for another d'luvvly roundup of the bitchiest reader comments! Last year's compilation was such a classy hit, plus you've all bared your barbed tongues at some point or other over the past 12 months. And I really have to say, thanks for the laughs—you effing bitches.

*****
* Anonymous on Move Over, Rihanna—Adam Lambert's In The Lead For Most Boring Song Of The Year: "Die in a fire you insufferable prick."

* solray9 on Lady Gaga: 4, Madonna: 0: "[Lady Gaga] looks like my 88-year-old incapacitated grandmother before she died and after she'd lost most of her teeth."

* Joshua on Chart Rigger Turns Five!: "Yeah, with the amount of useless drivel you post on an almost daily basis, I, too, am bewildered, shocked & confused as to how this has been around longer than my oral herpes!"

* Jacob on Scissor Sisters' "Fire With Fire" Video Is Boring: "I'm willing to bet that the only instrument you play is your damned computer keyboard...making you, really, one of the least credible people on the subject of 'music'. This song is, in fact, worth more than your entire blog."

* Summer Glau (in response to Jacob) on Scissor Sisters' "Fire With Fire" Video Is Boring: "Dude. Reread what you've written after writing it. It kind of undermines your point about cynical journalists if you can't write as well as them."

* Mr. Will-W on Michael Jackson's New Song "This Is It": "Three thumbs down. Including the one between my legs."

* Moogaboo on R.I.P. Michael Jackson: "When Coke goes down the tubes and Disneyland closes, I probably won't cry then, either."

* XOLondon on Lady GaGa Renders Christina Aguilera Irrelevant (Say Hi To Madonna, Christina!): "Call me when Joanne, or whatever the fuck her name is, sells 50 million records and wins ten Grammys and we'll talk about her being better than Xtuna. Gaga is a tabula rasa, pure and simple. And if you have to ask what that means, look it up children..."

* ShaNayNay LaChild on Lady GaGa Renders Christina Aguilera Irrelevant (Say Hi To Madonna, Christina!): "XO London - you sound like a condescending SNATCH. I'm in love."

* Me No Bubblicious on Robbie Williams' "Bodies" Is DOA: "This song made me reenact the 'Rock DJ' video! Sigh, the sweet, Robbie-Williams-free silence of flesh-ripping death. #1!!!"

* Take A Bow on Madonna: Truth In Advertising: "The prophecy has been fulfilled!! The prophecy, that is, of the thin-voiced humorless piece of gristle continuing to suck disposable income away from her army of queens who desperately want to proclaim anything she does as revolutionary and amazing. Because if they'd stop staring at the bony vampyre trotting out the 3000th remix of her 'greatest' 'hits', they'd have to look at themselves: aging, aging, aging in a world that has moved way beyond a time in which 'Into The Groove' meant something. Look at yourselves, Madge fans, and WEEP!"

* IamMesmerized on Clay Aiken Looks Like Annie Lennox In The "Love Is A Stranger" Video On His New Album Cover: "You are all pathetic! If you heard Clay sing those songs in concert in Raleigh, you'd be heaping praise upon him instead of making such asinine comparisons... He's back and he's great!"

* JohnnyD on Somebody Please Put A Hit Out On Jedward And Bring Shayne Ward Back: "Lets get real folks. If there is no impending Shayne Ward sex tape, he may as well start auditioning for jobs in mid price shoe shops."

* Jump! on Lady GaGa Renders Christina Aguilera Irrelevant (Say Hi To Madonna, Christina!): "Madonna is a nasty vinegar and floral smelling douche rag desperately trying to stay relevant. We should continue to hate on her until her next album. Or, until she is eaten by hyenas on an African safari. Whichever happens first."

* Anonymous (in response to a comment by Fritz Liess) on Adam Lambert's UK 'For Your Entertainment' Album Cover": "'Fritz Liess' (more like "Fritz LIES") is incorrect, and this is a popular misconception. And it's tiring, really... Seriously, the haters need to shut the fuck up and stop hating."

* Fritz Liess (in response to Anonymous) on Adam Lambert's UK 'For Your Entertainment' Album Cover": "Anonymous is a douchbag."

* Shaun on Justin Bieber's Hair Makes Me Want To Go Into The Woods And Start Shooting Things: "Who the f$#@ is this Bieber kid? It's like the black hole of teendom just vomits up a new one every month, each less appealing and less charismatic than the one before...pretty sad when you long for the days of Hanson!"

* The Haunted Thong on All Adam Lambert's Album Cover Is Missing Is Pink Glitter And A Rainbow Brite Doll: "Oh Flamebert—fame ain't easy!"

* Microwaved Corpse on Madonna's New Single Is A Hit Somewhere!: "Speaking of The Creature, everyone knows that the Dance/Club Play charts are written in glowstick on an OD'd twink's ass. And that, my dearz, doesn't translate into true 'hit.' Just ask Kristine W! You can find her pulling a double-shift at your local carwash."

* Anonymous on Sophie Ellis-Bextor And Adam Lambert Are Flop City In The UK: "you brits perhaps should check out the rest of the worlds' opinion of Adam Lambert .... and maybe you are just not musicaly educated as you should be to be forming opinions."

* Mike on You Could Do Worse Than Buying Kelly Rowland's New Single "Commander": "Great song but the bitch is still no Beyonce!"

* Jamie (in reponse to Mike) on You Could Do Worse Than Buying Kelly Rowland's New Single "Commander": "Mike, grow up please. Who said Kelly's trying to be Beyonce? Oh, and Kelly's no bitch. You came out of a bitch!"

* Christophe B on Madonna: Truth In Advertising: "I like your blog but the systematic slagging of the last real big pop star survivor since the 80s ...is getting tiring and more importantly false and self US - centered !!... You should try to get your fact rights, or start calling your BLOG MADONNA HATERS or The master of the world in the US..."

* Stephanie on Like We're Dying: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2009: "Where the hell is that piece of tripe Tik Tok? Somebody needs to tell Ke$ha or whatever the hell her name is that she's needed back at the brothel and should never sing again. Ever."

* Poster Girl on Lady Gaga: The Only Classy Thing At The Televised Abortion That Is The MTV VMAs: "I recorded the VMAs last night and went to watch it this morning. My DVR shut itself down thirty seconds in. I took that as a sign."

* Keith a.k.a. KjAM on R.I.P. Michael Jackson: "I'm sorry, but this whole saga is so predictable and can easily be compared to Diana vs. Mother Theresa. Only this time it's Michael vs. Farrah. I predict the fallout, the funeral, the lawsuits over the children which is easily tied to whatever his monetary value is worth, the endless books by self promoting skanks, the continuous speculation about his death, who was feeding him all the prescription pills and quite possibly another We Are the World pt. 2 by the end of the year... In short, had he been anyone else without the talent and the money, he would've been just another child molester rotting in jail and nobody would give a flying fuck."

* Paul on Lady Gaga's New Single "Bad Romance" Blows Britney Spears' "3" Out Of The Water: "Well she's really outdone herself with coming back with a song that sounds exactly like all her other songs. Bravo. Slow clap."

* Anonymous on Move Over, Rihanna—Adam Lambert's In The Lead For Most Boring Song Of The Year: "Must be so tiring for you to remain so tragically hip all the time."

* Anonymous on Sophie Ellis-Bextor And Adam Lambert Are Flop City In The UK: "Never heard of the 'Chart Rigger.' Adam's music is climbing all over the world and no flop is predicted in UK. When his single reaches the top 10 there, I'll come back to this site to remind you (if I can remember the name of this site, that is)."

* PaulB on Lady Gaga: 4, Madonna: 0: "Have to say Robbie; I'm also tiring of your incessant attacks on Madonna. I do find your writing witty and amusing, but I wonder if there is some reason for your constant attacks on Madge - Did she run over your foot or something at a signing?"

* Anonymous on Michael Jackson's New Song "This Is It": "Why does every media-scrounging pop-music-whore have to act like Jacko's death was some kind of belated carreer move that unfortunately necessitated the cancelation of his upcoming tour, but still brought him back into the charts and bought him lots of new fans? Wtf is wrong with people!! It's like his death is just a new stage in his carreer, like Madonna's vampirification- releasing DVDs, singles... what's next guys, a coffin clothing line? Whatever."

* Rob on Harp-Playing Slut Joanna Newsom Trashes Lady Gaga, Calls Madonna "A Dumb-Ass": "This article reads: bitchy bitchy bitchy rehash. I pick Newsom."

* Annie on R.I.P. Michael Jackson: "Just for the record: I am not okay, and, apparently, neither is Jacko."

* Anonymous on Sophie Ellis-Bextor And Adam Lambert Are Flop City In The UK: "Some idiot from LA blogs about what's happening in the UK? stick with what you know."

* Anonymous on Jack Johnson Makes Me Want To Kill Myself: "What a crappy blog, I hope to never end up here again."

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