dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Monday, December 13, 2010

And If You Don't Like It, Fuck You: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2010

It never fails—each year brings a new bucketful of rotten singles, causing trusty Chart Rigger sidekick Moogaboo and I put on the rubber gloves and fling them into the trash bin where they belong every December. And 2010 was certainly no exception! Below are the 10 biggest culprits of noise pollution we found lurking around the airwaves over the past 12 months.

10. Christina Aguilera, "Not Myself Tonight"
Moogaboo says: "The public deflation Xtina's bloated sense of entitlement was one of the more entertaining disasters of the year. Lucky for her, the ball-gag muffled any potential screaming tantrums."
D'luv says: "I will proudly admit that this song was one of my guilty pleasures in 2010. But I can also appreciate the sheer magnitude of flopdom is represents for Xtina's career. Plus, it wasn't the ultimate guilty pleasure. So here we are."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Christina soared to #6 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Ain't No Other Man."

9. Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow, "Shame"
Moogaboo says: "I realize this is supposed to be the 'full-circle' portion of the Robbie Williams redemption story, but I find him tiresome and his continued attempts at relevance more pathetic with each passing year. Next."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Robbie proudly reached #4 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Rudebox."

8. B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams, "Airplanes"
D'luv says: "Maybe if this song wasn't rammed up my ass every time I turned on the radio over the past six months, it wouldn't be here on this list. Alas..."

7. Cheryl Cole, "Promise This"
D'luv says: "If Cheryl used her mouth for something other than lip-syncing crap trash like this every time she got on a stage, she'd probably be able to keep a man."

6. Nadine Coyle, "Insatiable"
D'luv says: "How cute—she thought she had a career other than the pole."

5. Estelle, "Freak"
Moogaboo says: "Someone needed to pull this doll aside and say, 'No. Just no.' Sadly, they didn't, and that's how Estelle went from Grammy winner to dumpster barnacle in one short year."
D'luv says: "Wow—this really was a colossal flop on every level. Of course, if I paid a producer tens of thousands of dollars and this was the dreck they came up with for me, there would most definitely be a homicide."

4. Mike Posner, "Cooler Than Me"
Moogaboo says: "Finally, an anthem for insecure dildos."

3. The Black Eyed Peas, "The Time (Dirty Bit)"
D'luv says: "Good ol' Black Eyed Peas—always there to remind us that shit sells."
Moogaboo says: "So true. This completely wipes out any good will they may have accrued with 'Meet Me Half Way' and reminds me that they're the same bozos who did 'My Humps'."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: The Peas easily sailed to #5 on our Worst list in 2009 with "Boom Boom Pow", while Fergie received accolades when we dubbed "London Bridge" the #1 worst single of 2006.

2. Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars, "Billionaire"
D'luv says: "I wanna be a billionaire, too, so I can buy a city block and drop it on Travie McCoy's head."
Moogaboo says: "Deserves a punch in the face for the porkpie hat and suspenders alone."

1. Artists For Haiti, "We Are The World 25 For Haiti"
Moogaboo: "This doomed flotilla of Z-listers (and Streisand) capsized quickly, but I like to think their semi-sincere efforts did some good. Otherwise, we endured Jamie Foxx's obnoxious Ray Charles impression again for nothing."
D'luv says: "Apparently it takes 80 or so people to fuck up a classic, stage the biggest non-event of the year, give Vince Vaughn a reason to sing and then, ultimately, flop. But, hey, man—Bieber."

* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

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  • At 9:13 AM, Blogger John said…

    No argument on almost everything here. I like the Estelle single, but it's not something I would listen to on the daily.

  • At 9:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I know it's your personal blog but when you make really shitty comments about women (like the ones about Cheryl and Nadine) it's really not fun to read.

    It's a decent list of terrible singles that I have accidentally sung along to a lot this year.

  • At 12:17 PM, Blogger Diva Incarnate said…

    I thought this was your BEST singles of 2009 - I thought 'how open-minded to have Christina AND Nadine in there'. And then it clicked..

  • At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Doomed Flotilla said…

    No one can beat the wordplay of D'Luv and Moogs, and there are so many killer lines in this as always.

    Great list but just one little quibble: no mention of the Kidz Bop cover of "Not Myself Tonight"?!?!

  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    John, funny, upon revisiting the Estelle song, I liked it better than when I first heard it in Feb. Still, kind of bottom of the barrel for her.

    Anonymous, but the comments about the guys are okay (Travie and Mike Posner)? MAN HATER!!!!

    Diva Incarnate, no, no...that list is on the way, though!

    Doomed Flotilla, well, the Best list is still to come. Perhaps it'll be on there?

  • At 5:21 PM, Blogger Mike said…


    I like Not Myself Tonight and secretly stan for Insatiable but the rest get my full seal of appproval - particularly Cooler Than Me, Shame (or Shit as I like to call it) Promise This.

    Although the latter really should have been #1. At least We Are The World went to a proper charity, not Cheryl's KKK slush fund.

  • At 5:59 PM, Blogger Pure J.Me said…

    Spot on.

  • At 6:00 PM, Anonymous shaun said…

    Travie McCoy, Bruno Mars, and B.o.B. should be more careful about collaborating with one another. As it stands, I have absolutely no idea which is which (physically or musically) and feel absolutely no desire to find out.

  • At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    There is a difference between your comments towards the women and the men. Saying that Cheryl deserves to be cheated on because she won't use her mouth to please her husband and saying that Nadine can't have a career "other than the pole" are both sexist and offensive to women generally. Calling someone an insecure dildo or that you don't like their clothes isn't.

    (I don't hate men, obviously).

  • At 7:48 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    I actually quite liked the Robbie Williams/Gary Barlow duet, but I do realize I'm in the minority there. I think it's something about a male/male duet. You really don't get that all too often (unless I'm not thinking of others)

  • At 8:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "This doomed flotilla of Z-listers (and Streisand) capsized quicklyThis doomed flotilla of Z-listers (and Streisand) capsized quickly"


  • At 8:37 PM, Anonymous shanaynay lachild said…

    your comments about those women is sexist...but thats cuz them hos r whores.

  • At 9:51 PM, Anonymous MoovieStarz said…

    I can agree with some of the songs but others are way off base. Besides Ke$ha should be taking up half of this chart with her every single sounds the same crap. Come on! "We R Who We R" is really the worst song of 2010

  • At 11:12 PM, Anonymous shaun said…

    Oh yeah...no venom for "Hey Soul Sister"? Please don't tell me that either of you have even one positive word to say about that piece of dreck.

  • At 12:14 AM, Blogger countpopula said…

    Yeah, where is "Hey Soul Sister"?

    I grew to sort of like "Shame" like a fungus after a while--it's a nice little tune.

    How does Travie McCoy get a record deal anyhow?

    Surely that Black Eyed Peas song deserves number one, and that's from somebody who thought of "London Bridge" as a guilty pleasure song.

  • At 12:19 AM, Blogger John said…

    "Hey Soul Sister" is going into its third year of craptasticness. Why must you all keep mentioning it?

  • At 8:04 AM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Mike, that made me seriously LOL!

    Pure J.Me, thanks!

    Anonymous, but dropping a city block on a guy's head is okay? MAN HATER!!!!!

    Dan, well, I guess there's always Travie and Bruno (see #2 on the list)?

    Shanaynay, you're going to get Anonymous after your ass.

    Shaun, Countpopula and John, "Hey, Soul Sister" became yet another of my 2010 guilty pleasures. But fear not -- like Ke$ha it didn't land here or on the forthcoming Best list.

  • At 9:01 AM, Blogger Dan said…

    Re: Shame. I still will never understand the "poster 30 foot high at the back of Toys R Us" line.

    And as far as #2 goes, ugh.

  • At 12:23 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    OH MY GOD. Why wasn't it until this particular list that it has dawned on me THAT CHERYL COLE AND NADINE COYLE WERE NOT THE SAME PERSON!?!?!?!??! Whoa...

    Seriously, every time you've mentioned one or the other on Chartrigger, I've thought it was THE SAME PERSON.

    Also, I think this is the first year where I actually agree with your Bottom 10 List! I can't wait to see what tra$h you include in your Top 10!

  • At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Sexy Tank Of Oxygen said…

    Anonymous touched me inappropriately.

  • At 12:03 PM, Blogger wpmsd said…

    Very funny! I would have given all ten spots to the BEP's Time/Dirty bit. One of the all-time worst follow-ups to a mega popular smash last year.

  • At 10:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    How do you put someone as hot as Mike Posner on this list. As a bonus, the song's rhythm track makes me think of "Love Etc."

    And how is Ke$ha not on it.

  • At 7:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    more Beaver song should be here

  • At 12:05 AM, Blogger Troystar said…

    Shame is one of my top songs of the year "Shame" on you :(

  • At 9:16 PM, Anonymous Brandon Lewis said…

    When I first heard "Promise This" I deleted it out of fear. Now, I play it all the time. As for Nadine's single, um...

    Can these two just work things out and get back together so we can get another "Call The Shots"? Jeez!

  • At 6:15 PM, Blogger xolondon said…

    Color me taken aback by your diss of the (terrible) Shame. The only thing that could have saved it was if the video had a spit-lubed anal sequence.

    Good point about Estelle. Really odd how quickly they bailed on her.

    However, I admit I like all that Frenchy talk on Promise This. I like alouetteaahhh words said to me while someone (unnamed) shoves his [Dluvspeak] firecracker up my love funnel.


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