dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Christina Aguilera's "Not Myself Tonight" Video Pays Homage To Other Videos

Christina Aguilera is clearly paying tribute to iconic videos of the past (Madonna's "Express Yourself" and "Human Nature," George Michael's "Freedom '90," etc.) with her own clip for "Not Myself Tonight."

But this attempt to go full-throttle whore in a post-Lady Gaga music world just smacks of desperation. She already covered this dirrty territory in 2002, no? And why should Xtina—an icon herself at this point—have to reference anyone else? Her voice is clearly her strong point, so why is she trying to sell music by getting her tits out again?

Granted, this video plays into the very notion of Aguilera not being herself. But did she have to be every other pop star for the camera? Couldn't she have been, say, a migrant worker? Or a librarian? Oh, well. Here's the S&M/leather/vinyl-clad bondage video:



Will reserve full judgment on this Bionic project till the full album is heard. Because as stated before, I still think "Not Myself Tonight" is a decent jam.

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Thursday, April 29, 2010

Good News: Josh Dubovie's Final Version Of "That Sounds Good To Me" Sounds Good

Oh thank Christ Mike Stock re-jigged "That Sounds Good To Me," the 2010 UK Eurovision entry that Josh Dubovie will sing in Oslo next month at the song contest. When the 19-year-old warbled the tune (which was co-written/produced by Stock and Pete Waterman) last month on BBC's Your Country Needs You special, something was kind of missing—like anything remotely resembling a production from this decade (or the last), and Dubovie's ability to hit all the notes.

But after taking into consideration the criticism (and there was a LOT), Stock reworked the jam, and the final mix premiered today on BBC Radio 2.

And here 'tis:



I can get behind that. Because if Mike Stock and Pete Waterman are going to go out on a cheesefest like Eurovision, at least they ought to go out firing on all OTT pop cylinders.

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Cyndi Lauper Pens Lady Gaga's 'Time' 100 Most Influential People Honor

Lady Gaga is placed next to President Bill Clinton on the cover of Time's 100 Most Influential People 2010 issue wearing a fireworks bra, and Cyndi Lauper wrote the essay on everyone's favorite fame monster.

Here's a bit of it:
"An artist's job is to take a snapshot — be it through words or sound, lyrics or song — that explains what it's like to be alive at that time. Lady Gaga's art captures the period we're in right now. These days, you go to a club and wonder who all these kids are. They don't seem to have jobs. How can they afford to be here? Her song 'Beautiful, Dirty, Rich' explains that scene. It's about the New York prep-school party kids she grew up with. It's where she came from. Gaga's lyrics are incredibly literary. When 'Bad Romance; starts, the music grabs your ear immediately. Then she opens with the line 'I want your ugly/ I want your disease,' and all of a sudden you're listening. Most of the stuff on the radio is not very clever, but Gaga presents her ideas in a sophisticated manner. She has an incredible pop sensibility."
Gaga did a video response to being chosen for the honor, where she talks about who she finds to be influential in her life (strangely, it isn't Ke$ha):

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The Killers' Brandon Flowers Is Going Solo With New Album 'Flamingo'

It had been rumored for awhile now, and today the official site of The Killers confirms—Brandon Flowers is releasing a solo album.

"The new solo album Flamingo coming soon," reads the landing page, as a synthy mid-tempo jam plays in the background. You can also sign up for e-mail alerts on Flowers' solo material.

Oh, Brando—it's been a long road since my infatuation with you here in the early days of Chart Rigger. What exactly will your solo material sound like, one wonders...

NME also reports:
The Killers' drummer Ronnie Vannucci is set to release an album with members of Mumford and Sons, Keane and Noah And The Whale, under the name Mt. Desolation.

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Christina Aguilera Could Use A Genie In A Bottle Right About Now (And 'Glee' Still Sucks)

The big news on this week's Billboard Hot 100 chart is the massive drop Christina Aguilera's new single "Not Myself Tonight" does. Last week the derivative (yet still catchy) dance-pop jam debuted at a respectable #23, but in just seven days Xtina has fallen to #49 like a toothless whore in her twilight years hoping for one last bounce on the knee pads before throwing herself into the grave. (Hey, don't blame me for writing this stuff—I'm merely a vessel for the poetry of the Chart Gods!)

Maybe the premiere of the "Not Myself Tonight" video tomorrow (where that still up above is from) will salvage things? Who knows. In the meantime, the New Christina Aguilera—aka Lady Gaga—flies up from #28 to #20 with "Alejandro."

As usual, the Glee cast floods the chart this week with songs from the most recent episode—this time the "Power Of Madonna" one. The highest entry is the cover of "Like A Prayer," which has a #27 debut. Over on the Top 200 Albums, Glee: The Music—The Power Of Madonna enters at #1, knocking pint-sized pop munchkin Justin Bieber and his My World 2.0 down to #3.

Yeah, too bad the power of Madonna couldn't save the show from sucking for three weeks in a row. I hate to say it, but it's becoming more and more clear that Glee peaked by its 13th episode last December. Sorry, kids—popularity never lasts forever.

On a final note, La Roux's steady climb seems to have slowed its roll a bit, as "Bulletproof" inches up a mere notch to #35.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars *2 weeks*
2. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
3. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
4. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
5. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
6. "OMG" - Usher feat. will.i.am
7. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
8. "Your Love Is My Drug" - Ke$ha
9. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
10. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Keane's Tom Chaplin Covers 'Gay Times'

Not to be outdone by the Instinct Will Young cover, UK mag Gay Times has Keane's Tom Chaplin slapped on the front, looking more boyish than ever.



Now we just need to get Tim Rice-Oxley in the buff on the cover of Attitude's annual Naked Issue! *Le swoon* Keane's Night Train EP will be released worldwide the week of May 10.

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Will Young Covers 'Instinct'

Very-first-Pop-Idol-winner-turned-current-American-Idol-farewell-song-singer (that's a lot of hyphens!) Will Young makes his American media debut with a May 2010 cover story in Instinct magazine (check some of the story out here).

"A singer like Annie Lennox, she was always a major inspiration for me," Will told the mag's site in a web chat. "I’ve always loved her music from a young age. I was very lucky that both my parents, particularly my mom, have a very modern taste in music. More modern than me actually, which is worrying. I remember Annie Lennox, Terence Trent D'Arby would have been two of the big singers for me that I loved. As I grew up I loved soul, R&B. Michael Jackson, obviously, from a pop point of view."

Back in summer 2004 when I was still photo editor at Instinct, we tried to get Will on the cover as RCA was possibly going to launch him in the States then. Obviously neither of those things happened back then. But glad it finally did now, all these years later.

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Yes, Shayne Ward Is Still Completely Effing Hot

England's hottest piece of pop tail Shayne Ward posted this pic from a recent photo shoot via Twitter today. This is exciting because a.) Shayne seems to have grown his hair out, and 4.) he has a super hot ass.

You may recall that a couple new jams ("Crash," "The Way You Are") of his leaked back in March. He expressed some dismay over that on Twitter, also, last month, but really he shouldn't care. Because like I said—super hot ass.

Get that third album out soon, Shayne.

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Sunday, April 25, 2010

If Diana Vickers Only Hits #1 Once, It'll Still Be Better Than Going Down On Leon Jackson

Thank God for Diana Vickers and her single "Once," because it makes Joe McElderry, Leon Jackson, Alexandra Burke and all of the other kidz who've come out of The X Factor look like Simon Cowell's dull, carbon copy finger puppets—well, except Shayne Ward, of course. He can play finger puppet with me anytime he wants to.



The Cathy Dennis co-penned jam "Once" debuts at #1 this week on the UK singles chart, and hopefully 18-year-old Diana has a long career (read: at least one more single that at least hits the soaring heights of #23-ish) ahead of her.

Otherwise, maybe she can consider a career as Leon Jackson' assistant. Because he could probably use an extra hand when filling in his entry forms for doing dinner theater in Leeds.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Once" - Diana Vickers *new* *1 week*
2. "OMG" - Usher feat. Will.i.am
3. "Until You Were Gone" - Chipmunk feat. Esmee Denters *new*
4. "She Said" - Plan B
5. "This Ain't A Love Song" - Scouting For Girls
6. "I Need You Tonight" - Professor Green feat. Ed Drewett
7. "Acapella" - Kelis
8. "Carry Out" - Timbaland feat. Justin Timberlake
9. "The Best" - Tina Turner *new*
10. "Naturally" - Selena Gomez & The Scene

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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Adam Lambert's UK 'For Your Entertainment' (Deluxe Edition) Album Cover

Jesus. I had no idea Adam Lambert's album For You Entertainment had yet to be released overseas. And the UK is getting a far more scandaltastic CD cover than we did here in the States—though it's basically a variation on the U.S. single cover art for the title track.

Just imagine all you lady Glambertzon fans, the damage that could be done with those naughty finger cuffs. It'd be like a trench digger scraping out a new irrigation ditch up your Hot Pocket!

Anyway, congrats again to America's Favorite Singing Gay for going Top 10 this week with "Whataya Want From Me." Following Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You," Pink's "Please Don't Leave Me" and Britney Spears' "If U Seek Amy" and "3," it's also writer-producer Max Martin's fifth hit in the past year or so.

Hmmm. I bet Britney has a set of those cuffs, too...

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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Adam Lambert Finally Cracks The Top 10, La Roux Go Top 40 And 'Glee' Has Been Sucking

This week rude boys B.o.B and Bruno Mars bump Rihanna off the #1 position on the Billboard Hot 100 with their highly-overplayed spring hit "Nothin' On You." Still, RiRi's "Rude Boy" managed to become her second longest-running single at the top of the chart (at five weeks—"Umbrella" was the longest with seven weeks) as a featured performer. (T.I.'s "Live Your Life," which features her on guest vocals, was also #1 for five weeks.) And as for B.o.B, his new single "Airplanes," which features that broad Hayley Williams from Paramore, debuts at #12.

Ke$ha lands a third Top 10 hit with "Your Love Is My Drug," which flies up ten positions to #9—despite what some are calling a disastrous performance on SNL last weekend. (Additionally, Animal leaps up from #16 to #8 on the Top 200 Albums chart.) You say disaster, I say gold-plated triumph!

Witness the New Queen Of Soul at her most stunning, chyldren:



That brings us to Adam Lambert, who deserves some congrats for finally dragging his Max Martin jam "Whataya Want From Me" into the upper reaches of the chart at #10. It's been a long haul. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this make him the first artist to come out as openly gay to have a Top 10 hit in the U.S. off their debut album? (Obviously geezers like Elton John had hits after they publicly came out.)

Christina Aguilera debuts at #23 with her new whore jam "Not Myself Tonight," while Lady Gaga—who Xtina has been pitted against recently in the press—nabs her seventh Top 40 hit with the Ace Of Base-y "Alejandro" (again, the best jam off The Fame Monster along with "Monster"). It's up to #28 this week.

Meanwhile, a post-Coachella La Roux also score a legitimate Top 40 hit in the States! Did you ever think you'd see it happen? "Bulletproof" climbs 12 spots to #36!

And then we have the Glee cast, who manage four debuts on the Hot 100 this week from the first new episode of the spring: "Gives You Hell" at #32, "Hello" at #35, "Hello Goodbye" at #49, and "Hello, I Love You" at #66. I have to say, the writing on these first two new episodes...? WEAK. It's like that pile of garbage Mamma Mia, where they're now just Scotch-taping the plots around the songs (very poorly, I might add), rather than selecting tunes that go with a strong storyline. Careful with the stunt song-ing, Glee—TV viewers are a fickle pack.

Wrapping up the Hot 100, Selena Gomez And The Scene's "Naturally"—my favorite new jam—rebounds this week, and moves up from #40 to #37. It had previously peaked at #29.

And on a final note, Ye Olde Vampyre Madonna's live Sticky & Sweet album falls like an ancient prostitute whose knees just gave out after her 46,968th blow job. Actually, that's not too many, is it? Makes me kind of nostalgic for junior high school...

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars *1 week*
2. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
3. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
4. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
5. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
6. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
7. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
8. "OMG" - Usher feat. will.i.am
9. "Your Love Is My Drug" - Ke$ha
10. "Whataya Want From Me" - Adam Lambert

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Sarah McLachlan's New Single "Loving You Is Easy": She's In A Happy Mood Again

I know, I know. Sarah McLachlan isn't everyone's cup of tea in the land of milk and Gaga. But I've always had a fairly decent "like" for her music (though I only own two, maybe three albums, including that Wintersong one—which is super tearsy).

Anyway, ahead of this summer's Lilith Fair tour, Sarah posted her single "Loving You Is Easy" (sadly, not a cover of Hear'Say's "Lovin' Is Easy") on YouTube today, and yayyyy—she's in a good mood again!



McLachlan's next album The Laws Of Illusion is out June 15.

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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Kylie Minogue's 'Aphrodite' Cover = Perfection

Scissor Sisters, Robyn, Kelis and now Kylie Minogue—this summer is truly shaping up to the A-pop-calypse!

The cover art for Kylie's 11th album Aphrodite—due out July 5 (and let's hope the U.S. release date coincides with that and isn't three months after the fact)—is perfection, even if the snippet of first single "All The Lovers" (out June 28) doesn't really have my pulse racing just yet.



Okay, maybe it's slightly racing.

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Monday, April 19, 2010

Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" = Perfection

I really thought Goldfrapp's entire Head First album was set to be the be-all and end-all of the year for me. Turns out it was only the be-all and end-all of March.

Check out Robyn's new single "Dancing On My Own":



Slightly more upbeat than Robyn and Kleerup's "With Every Heartbeat." But still packs just as much of an emotional wallop.

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Sia Is One Playful Broad In "Clap Your Hands"

If I had lots of cash from having my songs licensed for countless endorsement deals and TV shows—not to mention from writing songs for Christina Aguilera's upcoming album—I'd make happy-go-lucky videos like the one for "Clap Your Hands," too. And that's one of the things that's so appealing about Sia—the consistent childlike wonder and innocent nature that comes across in her music videos.

Well, that and the fact that she's grinding a flag like a stripper pole in this clip:



All in all, a really fun video by Kris Moyes, the same director who did Sia's "Buttons."

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Sunday, April 18, 2010

Kelis Is Hot, Selena Gomez Has A Hit, Kate Nash Flops And Eliza Doolittle Can Kiss My Butt

Here's the cover of Grace Jones' Kelis' upcoming new album Flesh Tone (out May 17 in Europe, July 6 in the States). I love this weird broad. Her jam "Acapella" debuts this week on the official UK singles chart at #5. (Kelis previous high-charting jam "Lil Star," which featured Cee-Lo Green, charted at #3 three years ago.)

Just below that classy sass. Selena Gomez and her band The Scene enter at #7 with "Naturally," which, as stated before, has totally become My New Jam.

There's more trash this week, like Kate Nash flopping at #15 with "Do Wah Doo" and lame indie ho Eliza Doolittle and her chart disaster at #22 with "Skinny Genes," but my ass is tired after flying back to Los Angeles today after a trip to Dallas, so I'll catch y'all tomorrow.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. ""OMG" - Usher feat. Will.i.am *1 week*
2. "This Ain't A Love Song" - Scouting For Girls
3. "I Need You Tonight" - Professor Green feat. Ed Drewett *new*
4. "She Said" - Plan B
5. "Acapella" - Kelis *new*
6. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
7. "Naturally" - Selena Gomez & The Scene *new*
8. "Carry Out" - Timbaland feat. Justin Timberlake
9. "Pass Out" - Tinie Tempah
10. "Hot" - Inna

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Saturday, April 17, 2010

The 'Glee' Cast Makes Madonna's Quaint "4 Minutes" Sound Listenable

I'm celebrating Record Day by posting this pic of fanged, soul-sucking entity Madonna. It's reminder that even if we don't support Ye Olde Vampyre by purchasing her music, she still has enough cash to pump her undead corpse full of botox. THAT said, the Glee cast version of Tradge's beloved 2008 chestnut "4 Minutes" has popped up online. I've thrown it below with the Glee'd up "Like A Prayer" so you know what if feels like for a girl when hearing people who can sing doing these song.



Glee's "Power Of Madonna" episode airs on Tuesday.

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Friday, April 16, 2010

Dallas Is D'luvvly

I've been in Dallas on a press trip since Wednesday. Today we went to the Fort Worth Stock Yards, where we got to see longhorn bulls almost gore a group of small school children who were wearing red T-shirts. Yay!

And last night we caught this Lady Gaga impersonator, Vero Voz (Yes, an actual woman) at a bar called Alexandre's in Oak Lawn. Yaayyy!!

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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Estelle Has A Sassy Message For Chart Rigger Readers (And Non-Readers)!

That's right—Estelle wants you all to read Chart Rigger. We've already seen her "Freak" video, but you've not yet seen her introduce it like this. Thanks a million to the Grammy winning British diva for the shout out to this little corner of the pop blogosphere! (And "Freak" is available on iTunes.)

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I Kind Of Like Selena Gomez And The Scene's "Naturally," Just Don't Tell Anyone

Seeing as how Usher is now and the Top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100 and I'm in Dallas for the next few days, these are my confessions: I've secretly (shhhh!) fallen for Texas native Selena Gomez's jam "Naturally." Sure, it sounds almost exactly like Miley Cyrus' "See You Again" (thanks to both songs having the same writers/producers, Antonina Armato and Tim James), but let's face it—Miley who? Sorry, baby—Selena's just younger (by four months) and wants it more.



Selena and her band The Scene have been yo-yo-ing up and down about on the chart, and "Naturally" initially peaked at #29 (this week it's at #40). But it had better become a goddamn hit now that I like it.

Which brings us to The Script, whose "Breakeven" (a song I never thought would become a hit here) is up to #13—which is actually eight positions higher than the single peaked a year-and-a-half ago in the UK.

Alright, I've got two minutes to wrap this up: Ke$ha is at #19 with "Your Love Is My Drug," giving her a third Top 20 hit (or fourth if we include Flo Rida's "Right Round.") La Roux are up from #57 to #48 (!!) with "Bulletproof," while Lady Gaga jumps 22 positions to #50 (!!!) with "Alejandro"—as she should. It's the best jam off The Fame Monster. Next to "Monster." And "So Happy I Could Die."

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna *5 weeks*
2. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars
3. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
4. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
5. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
6. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
7. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
8. "Imma Be" - The Black Eyed Peas
9. "Baby" - Justin Bieber
10. "OMG" - Usher feat. will.i.am

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

'Teen Vogue' Hosed All The Whore Off Ke$ha!

Wow, they really scrubbed this ho up good. What I love about Ke$ha is that, within a month, she's both arched her back while wearing nothing but panties for Maxim as well as scraped off all the slut grime for Teen Vogue.

"I leave a trail of glitter behind me—like Hansel and Gretel," she tells TV for its special music issue. "Any guy I make out with has glitter on his face for at least three days."

Hmm. She conveniently forgot to mention the splattered trail of grain alcohol and three-day rash she she leaves behind, too, the sly little hooker!

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Jane Lynch Does "Vogue" On 'Glee,' In Case You Didn't Yet Realize It's The Gayest Show On TV

Tonight Glee returned to the air after a four-month hiatus, and we were left with a tease—a mere taunt—of next week's Madonna-themed episode.

Witness Jane Lynch's character Sue Sylvester taking on Ye Olde Vampyre's 1990s hit "Vogue"—with the help of major Auto Tune.



Cute.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Scissor Sisters Are Back (Minus Paddy Boom) With 'Night Work'

New Order + Pet Shop Boys = new Scissor Sisters track "Invisible Light." Actually, dig out New Order's "Subculture" and this sounds a kind of like it.



It's song #12 on their upcoming third album, Night Work (out June 28). That euphoric bit that the song breaks out into after the Ian McKellan talking part is pop nirvana.


First single off the album is "Fire With Fire."

1. Night Work
2. Whole New Way
3. Fire With Fire
4. Any Which Way
5. Harder You Get
6. Running Out
7. Something Like This
8. Skin This Cat
9. Skin Tight
10. Sex and Violence
11. Night Life
12. Invisible Light

So, new Robyn and Scissor Sisters in June? It can't come quickly enough.

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Three New Robyn Jams Go On Sale Tomorrow At Amazon's MP3 Store

Three new Robyn jams from her upcoming Body Talk 1 album will be added to Amazon's MP3 store tomorrow. The first one of dem is "None Of Dem," which features Royksopp. You can listen to it in full on Robyn's official site (it took a good minute to figure out where to play it—but you'll manage).

The other songs that will be made available are "Fembot," which we've already heard...

...and the Diplo-produced "Dancehall Queen." (That one's out there, too.)

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Sunday, April 11, 2010

The UK Chart This Week Needs A Little More Calvin Harris, A Little Less Scouting For Girls

On this week's exciting new UK singles chart, we have not a new entry within the Top 10. But there's so much more going on, such as—uh, well. Hmmm.

Why don't we instead look at the Top 10 from one year ago this week, first:

The U.K. Top 10 this week in 2009:

1. "I'm Not Alone" - Calvin Harris *1 week*
2.
"Poker Face" - Lady GaGa
3.
"Jai Ho'" - Ar Rahman feat. Pussycat Dolls
4.
"In For The Kill'" - La Roux
5. "Don't Upset The Rhythm (Go Baby Go)" - The Noisettes
6. "Love Sex Magic" - Ciara feat. Justin Timberlake
7. "Halo" - Beyonce
8. "Shake It" - Metro Station
9.
"Right Round" - Flo Rida feat. Kesha
10.
"Love Story'" - Taylor Swift

Golly, that's like 15 times more exciting (save for the Taylor Swift and Ciara/Timberlake garbage cluttering things up), no?

Anyway, back to this week. On the album chart, Lady Gaga's The Fame knocks Boyzone's Brother off the top, and, well, I'm off to go read a book now.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "This Ain't A Love Song" - Scouting For Girls *2 weeks*
2. "OMG" - Usher feat. Will.i.am
3. "She Said" - Plan B
4. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
5. "Pass Out" - Tinie Tempah
6. "Carry Out" - Timbaland feat. Justin Timberlake
7. "Hot" - Inna
8. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
9. "Baby" - Justin Bieber
10. "Parachute" - Cheryl Cole

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Justin Bieber On 'SNL': "Hey Girl, I Wanna Watch You Do Your Pilates!"

Is anyone else finding Candadian smartass Justin Bieber more and more likable with each passing day? His skit with Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live last night was pretty hot—she plays his teacher who starts having cougar-like fantasies about the 16-year-old pop munchkin, wherein he sings classy jams to her like "You've Got The Motherload."



And, well, I'm not saying I actually downloaded the Bieb's new single "Never Let You Go" or anything—even thought the chorus totally rips off Chris Brown's "Forever," which, if you really think about it, is still a great jam despite Chris Brown being about as appealing as a nail gun to the head these days—but if I did, I'd probably play it on repeat like 14 times in a row or something. (Damn you to hell, Bieber!)

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Saturday, April 10, 2010

This Gaysian Is Single-Handedly Revolutionizing The Music Video Industry

I could ramble on and on about this stunning new talent who has cropped up on YouTube, but let's just simply let his work speak for itself. I advise you to take notes, chyldren. (Note: the real magic begins at the 2:14 mark.)



And as a bonus, in addition to rapid gyrations to "Blah Blah Blah," we also get a master class in "Bootylicious":

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Thursday, April 08, 2010

There's No Stopping The Ke$ha And Lady Gaga Parade Of Singles

With the exception of Young Money getting bumped down from #9 to #10 by Jason Derulo, the rest of the Top 10 of this week's Billboard Hot 100 is the same as last—i.e. total snooze village.

Meanwhile, never underestimate the power of American Idol. After performing on last week's results show, Usher's "OMG" debuts at #14, giving him not only two songs in the Top 40 ("Hey Daddy" is at #25), but his highest charting single since that abomination of sound "Love In This Club" went to #1 two years ago. Likewise, Diddy and his new hooker troupe Dirty Money, who also performed on the same episode of Idol (it was soul week, y'all—and who's got more soul than Diddy, after all?), enter the chart at #34 with "Hello Good Morning."

Elsewhere, New Queen Of Soul Ke$ha has moved on since "Blah Blah Blah" was never able to hop back in the Top 10 again after its initial debut at #7 back in January. Her third single, "Your Love Is My Drug," jumps from #57 to #32 this week, almost eclipsing the song's #27 peak from when it also debuted back when Ke$ha's Animal album was first made available digitally. It's time to hop out of the toilet, doll—you have another hit!

On a final note, La Roux are up four positions to #57 with "Bulletproof"—and I love how my April Fool's Day joke about the song jumping up to #11 last week got reported as fact in some sectors. Ahem! Also, Lady Gaga debuts at #72 with "Alejandro"—my favorite jam off The Fame Monster (next to "Monster"), and a far better single choice than "Telephone."

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna *4 weeks*
2. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars
3. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
4. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
5. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
6. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
7. "Imma Be" - The Black Eyed Peas
8. "Baby" - Justin Bieber
9. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo
10. "Bedrock" - Young Money feat. Lloyd

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Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Ke$ha Puts The "Dirty" In Taio Cruz's "Dirty Picture" Video (Not To Mention The "Whore")

New Queen Of Soul Ke$ha reaches new heights—or should I say depths—in the video for Taio Cruz's "Dirty Picture." Let's just cut to the chase, kids...she's standing on a toilet. In heels. If someone sent me a picture of that on my cell phone, I'd probably change my number. (After getting off at least twice, of course.)

The video premiered Friday on Taio's MySpace but wasn't able to be viewed by us yo-yos outside the UK. Maybe they should have kept it that way?

Enjoy!

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Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Any Other Dance Hall Queens Excited For Robyn's 'Body Talk 1'?

Following the leak of "Fembot" last month, Robyn has now updated her website (about effing time) and provided details on her upcoming eight-track album Body Talk 1.

First, the tracklist:

1. “Don’t Fucking Tell Me What To Do”
2. “Fembot”
3. “Dancing On My Own”
4. “Cry When You Get Older”
5. “Dance Hall Queen”
6. “None Of Dem”
7. “Hang With Me (acoustic)”
8. “Jag Vet En Dejlig Rosa”

The album—the first of two (or three?) to be released this year—is out June 7, which is also the official drop date for first single "Dancing On My Own."

Listen to clips of "Looking For Love" (not on Body Talk 1), "None Of Dem," "Dancing On My Own" and "Don't Fucking Tell Me What To Do" here:



Consider me properly jazzed. I still have fond memories of blasting Robyn (the original Swedish version) in the Instinct office in 2005, and then finally buying my own copy (the UK version) in New York in November 2007.

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Monday, April 05, 2010

"Church Boy" Has Me Speaking In Tongues

After topping the Billboard Hot 100 for three weeks now, Rihanna's whore jam "Rude Boy" is naturally ripe for the parodying. And so comes along Second City 's ultra-classy "Church Boy." As you watch, Jesus will weep. You'll fall to your knees. And the slutbag in the video will probably immaculately conceive her sixth kid. Pray for the whip, chyldren.

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My Head Might Explode: Rihanna, Ke$ha And Nicki Minaj Touring Together This Summer

Rihanna is taking her pop jamz out on the road this summer on a 25-date jaunt across the U.S. called the Last Girl On Earth Tour. And she'll be in super-cla$$y company—she's bringing New Queen Of Soul Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj with her! Pray for scissoring, pop chyldren!

Yeah, Screw Lilith Fair. This is going to be the true hooker parade! Tickets for this trash go on sale Friday, April 9. Below are the dates:

Jul 02 — Seattle, White River Amphitheatre
Jul 04 — Vancouver, General Motors Place
Jul 06 — Calgary, Pengrowth Saddeldome
Jul 09 — Sacramento, ARCO Arena
Jul 10 — Mountain View, Shoreline Amphitheatre at Mountain View
Jul 14 — Albuquerque, Hard Rock Casino presents The Pavilion
Jul 15 — Denver, Comfort Dental Amphitheatre
Jul 17 — Las Vegas, Mandalay Bay Events Center
Jul 21— Los Angeles, Staples Center
Jul 22 — Phoenix, Cricket Wireless Pavilion
Jul 28 — Atlanta, Philips Arena
Jul 30 — Tampa, Ford Amphitheatre
Jul 31 — Miami, American Airlines Center
Aug 03 — Indianapolis, Verizon Wireless Music Center Indianapolis
Aug 05 — Toronto, Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
Aug 07 — Montreal, Bell Centre
Aug 08 — Boston, Comcast Center
Aug 11 — Uncasville, Mohegan Sun Arena
Aug 12 — New York, Madison Square Garden
Aug 15 — Wantagh, Nikon at Jones Beach Theater
Aug 18 — Camden, Susquehanna Bank Center
Aug 20 — Bristow, Jiffy Lube Live
Aug 21 — Hershey Hersheypark Stadium
Aug 22 — Detroit, DTE Energy Music Theatre
Aug 25 — Chicago, United Center

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Sunday, April 04, 2010

Now All Alex Gardner Needs To Do Is Let Loose

HAPPY EASTER! And hooray for Scouting For Girls and their damn #1 UK single this week, "This Ain't A Love Song." But poor Alex Gardner—the 18-year-old Xenomania-produced crooner didn't even crack the Top 40 with his rather excellent single "I'm Not Mad." (It debuted at #44.)

Once again, here's what you're missing out on, the UK!



And so "I'm Not Mad" will go down as another sadly lost gem that was touted in the blogosphere—and one that truly deserved the hype!—but overlooked by the general record-buying/music downloading public.

[Heavy sigh] Unless of course, Alex is somehow able to enact a miracle and pull a Let Loose, and get a re-release of "I'm Not Mad," much as LL did when "Crazy For You" failed to go Top 40 the first time around in 1994, and land that fucker at #2.



Yeah, never gonna happen. But I gotta dig that Let Loose album out now. Because let's face it—"Seventeen" = total jam!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "This Ain't A Love Song" - Scouting For Girls *new* *1 week*
2. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
3. "She Said" - Plan B *new*
4. "History Makers" - Delirious? *new*
5. "Pass Out" - Tinie Tempah
6. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
7. "Baby" - Justin Bieber
8. "OMG" - Usher feat. Will.i.am
9. "Hot" - Inna
10. "Parachute" - Cheryl Cole

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Saturday, April 03, 2010

Clay Aiken Looks Like Annie Lennox In The "Love Is A Stranger" Video On His New Album Cover

One of these ladies is Annie Lennox, but I'm not sayin' which one it is. Clay Aiken is releasing an album of standards (Yes, yes—oh, God, yes.) on June 1 called Tried And True. It contains such four-on-the-floor power jams as "Moon River," "Mack The Knife" and "Can't Take My Eyes Off You."

At least Clay slimmed down a little after he had that baby. Or maybe it's just that he hacked that rabid mullet nest off the rest of his wig, and that's why he looks restored to his petite, womanly self.

Anyway, Clay is totally copping Annie's lezbatronic androgynous look from the "Love Is A Stranger" video. Don't believe me? Watch this shit:

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Thursday, April 01, 2010

The Black Eyed Peas Announce Split

Well, I guess the big news this morning is that the Black Eyed Peas have confirmed what they've kind of been hinting at all along with their The E.N.D. album—that they are indeed breaking up once their tour is over. It's funny, because I saw them at their surprisingly d'luvvly L.A. show on Monday, and I swear there was a point when Will.i.am was talking that I thought he was going to announce the group were splitting or "taking a break" right there. But he didn't.

A greatest hits is supposed to be released around Christmas this year. So now I guess we can expect more producing from Will, another solo album or two from Fergie before the inevitable Peas nostalgia reunion tour, and the other two to, uh, probably just sit back and bang hookers on stacks of cash.

At any rate, expect The E.N.D, which is currently #10 on the Billboard Top 200 Albums, to jump higher on next week's chart.

Meanwhile, did you ever think you'd see the day where La Roux land not only a Top 40 hit, but a Top 20 hit in the U.S.? "Bulletproof" has been steadily climbing up the Billboard Hot 100 for weeks now, and after all the hard work and hair product Elly Jackson has been going through, the blood, sweat and Pomade are finally paying off.

This week "Bulletproof" climbs to #12 on the chart. Yes, folks, synth pop appears to be alive and well. Along with that, Goldfrapp's Head First enters the Top 200 Albums at #11, just narrowly missing out on a Top 10 debut. Sigh. Still, it's the duo's best U.S. placing to date with an LP.

Finally, I guess I should mention that the Black Eyed Peas are not breaking up, La Roux is only at #61 with "Bulletproof," Goldfrapp debuted at #45 with Head First...and happy April Fool's Day.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna *3 weeks*
2. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars
3. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
4. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
5. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
6. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
7. "Imma Be" - The Black Eyed Peas
8. "Baby" - Justin Bieber
9. "Bedrock" - Young Money feat. Lloyd
10. "TiK ToK" - Ke$ha

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