dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Heard Any Good Albums Lately?

Her Wigship Britney Jean Spears' seventh album Femme Fatale spilled across the Internet today like a bottle of naughty lotion people use to pour on things they want to shove up their hee-haw. At first I was like, that sucks for her—it's not being released for almost three more weeks!

But then I listened, and my weekend is looking a whole lot brighter. Sorry, Blackout purists—Femme Fatale just ripped off all your wigs with steak tongs and tossed them in the microwave.

Entertainment Weekly has posted where online you can hear each of the tracks. Because surely none of you are going to illegally download it! And if you are, at least buy a copy on March 29 when it comes out. The Wig needs to feed her babies, too, you cheap broads.

Full assessment later...I'm off to give this bitch my full attention.



  • At 5:41 PM, Blogger Hiko Mitsuzuka said…

    Brit, thanks for the Ke$ha album no one asked for. Most redeeming track is sadly shoved to the bottom of the playlist: "Criminal".

  • At 6:04 PM, Blogger Joshua said…

    Wow, this album MUST be a milestone - you did not use a single [Noun]-ney when referring to this pop star!

  • At 6:19 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Hiko, Wigney will shove her weave in your blasphemous mouth until your soul expires!

    Joshua, well, there was Her Wigship...

  • At 8:47 PM, Anonymous Justin said…

    I love it

  • At 8:24 AM, Blogger Pure J.Me said…

    Britney called this album her "most upbeat and mature album yet.", and while I definitely hear the upbeat, I have yet to hear the mature part. She's keeps recycling the same topics: love, boys, and dancing. I feel like I've heard every one of these songs on a previous Britney album.

    I think the (my) problem is that I keep holding my breath for her "Like A Prayer" moment.

    Sadly, the Auto Tune and the dance beats will always have precedence over content and lyrics.

  • At 8:34 AM, Blogger wpmsd said…

    I'm starting overdose on Dame Brit.

  • At 2:49 PM, Blogger Random J said…

    I don't think this album is that great. Her Weaveness fakes it well that she's not completely dead inside. But the generic club fused songs overpower the whole album.

    "I wanna go" is UH-MAZING! And "Inside out", "Gasoline" and "Criminal" are hot because we get to hear Britney sing without every single vocal effect having Britney sound like Microsoft Mary. But everything else is just fodder you will not remember in a years' time. And they all display the same tricks: chop up Britney's vocals on the hook, shove in some repetition and have a section int he song where everything slows the f**k down.

    This album's weird for me; because it's generic as f**k, but displays flecks of genius. I think the worst thing was to make Dr. Luke an executive producer, because he has every single ho sounding the same. And his studio trickery wears thin when it's spread across the bulk of an album.

  • At 5:24 PM, Blogger D'luv said…

    Random J, oh, come on now - Robotney is not dead inside. She's pulsing, bleeping, flashing and whirring! I actually think this is her most cohesive album, and it was smart to have producers who've worked with her here and there in the past take the reigns this time. That said, I'm kind of over Dr. Luke, and the fact that he basically jacked Max Martin's swagger and now gets all the credit.

    wpmsd, is that good or bad? I'm still mainlining, myself.

    Pure J.Me, hasn't that always been the way with her, though?

    Justin, surprisingly, I'm with you.

  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger Random J said…

    I was all for Max Martin's involvement. "3" cemented for me that he and her Weaveness still have a great chemistry. I love that song so much that I was actually hoping it'd get tagged onto 'Femme fetale' as a bonus track (I'm sure the Japanese release will end up with it. Lucky bitches!) But Dr. Luke!? Urgh. He has every blonde ho sound the same, and like you said; he just hogs all the credit for pretty much swagger jacking Max Martin. How Billboard's name got pushed last behind Max Martin's and his in the production credits for "Inside out" when Billboard produced that song 3 years ago, I'll never know.

    If I could have had my way, I would have had the producer roster stand at Max Martin, Shellback, Danja, Billboard ON HIS OWN and Bloodshy & Avant - who I'm surprised didn't come harder for Britney this time around. They were on FIRE on 'Blackout', but have been pretty meh for Britney ever since.

    I agree that 'Femme fetale' is Britney's most cohesive release. The track order is SPOT on. But I just wish we got more songs with melodies and hooks which weren't just a syllable of Britney's stuttered over the course of a minute and a breakdown section 3 minutes into the song where the music sounds like it's being played underwater. I was sick of it by track 5. Only mid way through the album did classic Britney begin to emerge from Ke$ha's glitter and cum drenched technicoloured dreamcoat.

    I love songs from this album. But I don't love it as a whole. I do love me some "I wanna go" and "Criminal" though. They need to be singles, if Britney can be bothered to shoot videos for them and actually promote them.

  • At 11:55 PM, Anonymous Justin said…

    D'Luv! Where is the love?


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