dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

You Can All Kiss Lana Del Rey's Pussy: 'Born To Die' Is A Hit

As of today, the pillow-lipped so-called scourge of Music Snobland will be referred to around here as The Queen Of Rock And Pop Lana Del Rey. Just as Ke$ha is The New Queen Of Soul and Madonna is Ye Olde Vampyre, so to is Del Rey The Queen Of Rock And Pop.

I have to laugh at all the reviewers who sat down at their computers, pushed their Poindexter glasses up their schnozzes, cracked their knuckles and ejaculated in their Target jeans while furiously typing out what they collectively thought would be the nails to be banged into Lana's coffin over the past week. “…her voice is pinched and prim, and her song doctors need to go the fuck back to med school," decrepit dinosaur Rolling Stone croaked, no doubt while longing for the new Paul McCartney album to clunk out of the pipeline.

But never has The Queen Of Rock And Pop's Born To Die album cover — that once-puzzling and too-simple image — seemed so appropriate. There Her Royal Highness stands, arms at her side, chest and vitals exposed with her chin jutted out and staring us and all our bandwagon vitriol down in absolute defiance. She'll show us.

And so today brings the official release of Del Rey's debut album Born To Die, i.e. the record that is currently #1 on iTunes in its Deluxe Version form. The standard edition is at #3. In the UK, where The Queen hasn't been quite so harshed by all the post-SNL fallout, the album is currently outselling the rest of the UK Top 10 combined.

Yes, "experts," sometimes it really is possible to underestimate the public. Now, if you haven't already choked on the foot you jammed down your throat, hurry to catch up — the bandwagon is moving on to its next victim. But if you are lying there, teeth broken out and lying in a mixed pool of spit and blood beside your face — then good; Lana Del Rey is going to walk over you and ram her stiletto heel down into your eye socket.

Incidentally, of all the reviews I've read of Born To Die, I think prophetic Spin said it perfectly: "We broke her; we bought her."

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4 Comments:

  • At 9:45 AM, Blogger John said…

    I get your point, but you also have slogged pop stars that have had big careers. At the end of the day, when a recording artist and their handlers set up a hype machine, they run the risk of blowback, and that's what Lana's getting. Then again, any publicity is good publicity, right? I don't think she's worth the hype, but good on her for having the last laugh.

     
  • At 1:03 PM, Anonymous There's A New $heriff in Town! said…

    Born to Die is an amazing album and I couldn't be happier for Lana Del Rey's $ucce$$. Here's hoping she continues to steamroll them while trilling her latest #1 dead-eyed dirge while the chyldren celebrate.

     
  • At 10:59 AM, Blogger wpmsd said…

    I watched the SNL video on your blog and, frankly, didn't see what all the fuss was about. On the other hand, I wasn't bowled over by the song either. I'll have to give it another try.

     
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