dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Thursday, April 09, 2015

US Chart Roundup: "Uptown Funk" Rules The World + Highly Inappropriate Whitney & Nick Jonas Talk

I could be super pressed about the fact that "Uptown Funk" is now tied with the following songs for the second-longest run at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, at 14 weeks...

* "I Gotta Feeling" - Black Eyed Peas (2009)
* "We Belong Together" - Mariah Carey (2005)
* "Candle In The Wind '97" - Elton John (1997)
* "Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix)" - Los Del Rio (1996)
* "I'll Make Love To You" - Boyz II Men (1994)
* "I Will Always Love You" - Whitney Houston (1992)

...as well as the fact that, if it sticks around for just two more weeks at #1, "Uptown Funk" will be tied with Mariah and Boyz II Men's "One Sweet Day" for the longest stint at the top of the chart ever. But you know what — with the exception of "We Belong Together," all those other singles can kiss my ass. [Cue up Whitney's dead wig rolling over and thumping against the coffin lid.]

In fact, screw all of the above...I'm most excited about Nick Jonas' "Chains" sliding up to #13. There's a jam that should be #1 for 29 weeks. I'm telling you, once he quits fucking around with all the teasing and whips his baby stick out, it's all over. It's time to stop with the kid's play, Nick, and get serious about your career...drop the sex tape already, even if it's just you in a Whitney Houston wig, naked with nothing but a jar of Skippy in one hand and an electric toothbrush in the other.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Uptown Funk" - Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars *14 weeks*
2. "Sugar" - Maroon 5
3. "Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Goulding
4. "Earned It (Fifty Shades Of Grey)" - The Weeknd
5. "Thinking Out Loud" - Ed Sheeran
6. "Trap Queen" - Fetty Wap
7. "Style" - Taylor Swift
8. "G.D.F.R." - Flo Rida feat. Sage The Gemini & Lookas
9. "FourFiveSeconds" - Rihanna, Kanye West & Paul McCartney
10. "See You Again" - Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

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